New Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Doritos: What?

In America’s search for new foods to shove in our mouths, a great deal of unnecessary foods have been created. At some point in the 1970’s, someone decided that having to use two jars was far too much work. Thus peanut butter and jelly were swirled in jar, saving millions of people a full 10 […]

Great. Now I Can’t Trust Anything the Mayans Say…

With only two hours left until the calendar rolls over to December 22nd, it looks like the Mayan prophecy predicting the end of the world was wrong. There have been no colliding planets or fire or brimstone. It has been a fairly uneventful day. Knowing that the world still exists, there are several other Mayan […]

What Are the Odds?

The following post is dedicated to my friend Nate. Vegas Casinos have odds for everything. For instance, the odds of Pamela Anderson winning the next season of “Dancing With the Stars” are 40:1. The odds of Childish Gambino’s music video for his song “Heartbeat” being named best hip-hop video at the Video Music Awards are […]

Things to Think About…

-A person gave me a chocolate chip granola bar and told me it was a healthy snack. Apparently the guidelines for healthy have been loosened to include candy. I’m still holding my breath for a gummy worm hummus, though. -Martin Luther King Jr. would be a whole lot less respected if the dream he gave […]

Procrastination: Just One of My Many Talents

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” –Don Marquis “The greatest amount of wasted time is the time not getting started.” –Dawson Trotman “Ugh… I’ll do it later. ‘The Wonder Years’ is on…” –Nathan Badley I can be a very hard worker. There have been times in my life that I have become […]

I’m Sorry, Please Don’t Sue Me

I think it’s time for me to go into hiding. Apparently, my kind has been made enemy number one. For those who have not heard, a blogger by the name of Crystal Cox was ordered by an Oregon (Oregonian?) court to pay $2.5 million in a defamation suit. Cox is an investigative blogger who uncovers […]

Milk Helps With PMS? Imagine What Chocolate Milk Could Do…

Dear California Milk Processors Board, I saw your new advertisement online today, and I must say I was horrified. HORRIFIED! This ad seems to imply there is a suffering that we men have to be put through on a monthly basis because WOMEN seem to think that men are the worst people in the world […]

Prepare For The Real World, Now You’re A College Graduate

College is important. Without college, many people would have no idea how to slack off properly and get by with the bare minimum. For four years (if you are slacking off properly), you attend a university to receive the education that will benefit you for the rest of your adult life. You find out what […]

McDonalds Happy to Host McWeddings for McCouples, Still Makes Gross Food

There is a brand new wrinkle in the argument about the sanctity of marriage, and it has nothing to do with politics. It does have to do with the Hamburglar. The newest fad in Hong Kong are weddings in McDonalds. Yes, I do mean McDonalds, the home of the McChicken, the cause of making you […]