The Republicans’ Technicolor Dream Socks

As an independent voter in America, I find myself constantly being courted by both major political parties. It is like I am the prettiest girl at the ball and everyone wants a spot on my dance card. Somehow I have ended up on the email list for both the Republican and Democrat parties. A day […]

Take Your Time. I Get Paid Hourly.

Dear Old Navy employee, Greetings and a heartfelt salutations to you. You may remember me from a bit earlier today as I stood out quite a bit. While everyone else visiting the Old Navy today was interested in trying on armfuls of brightly colored dresses, I was the gentleman who wanted to try on a […]

Fashion: I’m Supposed To Wear What?

It has come to my attention that I may not be completely attuned to the latest fashions. It’s not that I was ever exactly the almighty sovereign ruler of the great kingdom of fashiondom or anything. I have always been less haute couture and more “this shirt doesn’t look like crap AND it’s $10!” There […]

Meggings: Because There Is Nothing Men Want More Than to Wear Spandex

As I am often reminded in my life, I am not a fashion expert. I do not understand many things about clothing. For example, why do I have a little tiny pocket inside the pocket of my pants? It seems unnecessary to have a pocket in a pocket. Maybe if I had two coins that […]

Ironing: Just Another Gap in My Basic Knowledge

There are many things in life my genes did not equip me to do. I will never wear normal sized gloves, hats, pants, or, I would assume, any sort of outfit consisting of the three (a pair of glhants?). When spring rolls around, I will spend two month being unable to breathe correctly. It is […]

Real Ladies Run in Skirts

Dear lady running down the street, Congratulations on your attempts at physical fitness. You and your friend were really giving a full 110% out there today. That’s a pretty big deal because that’s 10% more than is physically possible to give. I will say, though, I am concerned. I watched the two of you run […]

Things I Will Never Understand

-The Target dressing room that I went to visit yesterday was smack dab in the middle of the women’s clothing. For men to get there, one had to walk through the lingerie. Why does Target want to embarrass women buying lacy undergarments and the men who are forced to witness them choosing those lacy undergarments? […]

In Memoriam of Nathan’s Broken-In Khakis, 2011-2012

Nathan’s Broken-in Khakis, 1, of Kansas City, died at 7:19 a.m. on Tuesday, August 7, 2012, in a small apartment bedroom. After weeks of suffering from a problematic zipper, Broken-in Khakis went quietly as his zipper gave out for good. Found on an Old Navy bargain rack, Khakis came into Nathan’s life at just the […]

The Nathan’s New Clothes

There is an old story about an Emperor who, in all of his vanity, hires two tailors to make him the finest clothing in his entire kingdom. Seeing that the Emperor is stupid, these two tailors make him clothes that they say are invisible to stupid people, but really are nonexistent. Since the clothes are […]