Uh oh! It’s Halloween and you still have not gotten a costume! Now your significant other will be so upset that you ruined one of his or her favorite holidays again! This is just like that St. Patrick’s Day disaster all over again.
Fret not my procrastinating comrades. I am here, as always, to offer up my services to you. The last thing I want is for you to be in the proverbial (or in some much stricter and weirder relationships, literal) dog house. We here at the blog have put together our collective minds and dreamed up some great last-minute costume ideas for you. (Editor’s note: Nathan is acting like his blog is a major website with many people at the ready. When he says “collective minds,” what he really means is his singular, for the most part adequate, mind.)
Open up your brain and prepare for the Halloween brilliance to fill it.
Costume Idea #1: Classic Ghost
Nothing says Halloween more than ghosts. Impress your friends with a timeless costume. Your friends will surely be startled until they realize it is not truly the soul of a deceased person, but just you in a great costume!
The steps are simple. Step one: find a sheet. Step two: cut eyeholes in the sheet. Step three: wear the sheet on your head. It cannot be simpler than that. Just be sure not to mix up step two and three as the results can and will be disastrous.
You may be thinking, “How can I impress that hottie at my Halloween party wearing a sheet?” The answer is all in the sheet. By using a nicer sheet for your costume, you are telling everyone at the party how classy and successful you are. No one can resist a ghost made with an 1800-thread count Egyptian cotton sheet!
Costume Idea #2: Geoff
Who’s that cool guy over there at the party? Why, that’s Geoff! Geoff is a fun-loving individual. Everyone loves Geoff. He’s the life of the party!
This costume could not be simpler. Step one: Get dressed. Theoretically, I shouldn’t have to tell you that step, but better safe than sorry I always say. Step two: place a name tag on your person that reads “Geoff.” Done! You have morphed from your own boring self into the baddest dude to ever walk into any party.
Note: this costume is meant for men. If you are a woman, you will want to bypass this and head to costume idea #3.
Costume Idea #3: Geoffina
Who’s that cool girl over there at the party? Why, that’s Geoffina!
Note: this costume is meant for women. If you are a man, you will want to bypass this and head to back to costume idea #2.
Costume Idea #4: Zombie
Thanks to The Walking Dead, zombies are so in right now. Take advantage of it. Head to your party as an undead corpse!
Now, some people are going to tell you that you need makeup and fake blood for this costume. Those people are hacks. To be a convincing zombie, it’s all in the body language. All you need to do is pretend you are in a great deal of pain every second of the party. Walk with your legs stiff, your arms dangling, and a grimace across your face. If you are having a hard time looking convincing, ask a friend to kick you right in the shin several times. That is sure to give you that “fresh out of the grave” zombie look.
But what about the costume? Well, I think we can all agree that zombies were once normal people just like you and me. That means they wore normal people clothing. As it turns out, you have been dressed just like a zombie every day for your whole life. You just didn’t know it!
Costume Idea #5: Guacamole Bandit
Head to your party in whatever you currently have on. People will be very confused and frequently asking what you are dressed as. Well, obviously you are the guacamole bandit!
That is why you are going to wait until no one is looking. Then you will steal the guacamole and go home. Sure, you are missing out on the party, but really so is everyone.
It’s not a party if there’s no guacamole.