The Story of Christopher Columbus

As children, we are taught many rhymes. We are taught rhymes about women who live in shoes and rhymes about girls who, for some reason, eat curds and whey. There is a spider that goes up a water spout and a lamb that follows a girl to school. Amongst all of these rhymes, though, sits […]

The Greatest Presidents’ Day Pageant Ever

Let’s be honest: Presidents’ Day gets the shaft. As far as holidays go, it falls somewhere between Labor Day and Micronesia Independence Day. Aside from some killer sales on cars (“0.9% APR on a new Honda!”) and a day off work, no one really cares about Presidents’ Day. Well, it’s time for that to change. […]

The Great Black History Month Debate

When February comes around, there are a few things you can always count on. There will be people complaining about how much weight they have gained over the winter. You will be subjected to eating “conversation hearts,” the candy that looks like chalk and tastes even worse. There will be great deal on mattress and […]

Happ(le)y Birthday, Johnny Appleseed. You Were One Fruit Obsessed Freak.

There are a few smells associated with fall. There is the smell of cinnamon, the smell of a campfire, the smell of a child’s vomit after too much Halloween candy (a smell comprised of two parts Snickers’ bar, one part Tootsie Pop, and four parts stomach lining). One big smell people always think of, though, […]

Noah’s Ark 2.0: Now With More Robots

I’ve never been to Disney World. When I say this, the usual response is something between a shout of “WHAT?!” and a gasp, usually coming out, “Whuuuuuuuuuauauauauau?!” Apparently this is the most important place in history to visit, and poor Nathan has never had the priviledge to ride spinning tea cups or look at a […]

National Cheesecake Day: A Look Back At the History of Cheesecake

Happy National Cheesecake Day! In our of our favorite cheese based dessert, we will take a minute to look back at the history of this incredibly heavy dessert. 500 BC- Aegimus, a Greek physician, writes a book on the art of making cheesecake. In a possibly related note, the average weight of the Greeks balloons […]

North Dakota is Technically Not a State, Also Technically Not Interesting

Warning: The following post contains graphic taunting of the state of North Dakota. I would like to apologize to each and every North Dakotan (all eight of you) in advance. This is not directed at any of you, but rather at the incredibly dull and lifeless area of the country that you have chosen to […]

The Story of Independence Day

Gather around children, listen to what I say As I tell you of our American Independence Day.   The story began in 1773 When Britain’s stupid king raised the taxes on tea.    “We won’t stand for this!” the colonists shouted So into the harbor a shipment was rerouted.    “Hey, that was our tea!” […]

Canada Day: Just Like the Fourth of July, But Three Days Earlier and a Bit More Northern

This is it. This is the final straw. You have crossed the line this time and I won’t easily forget a violation of this magnitude. You, Canada, are on my list. Everyone in the world knows that the Fourth of July is American Independence Day, the anniversary of the greatest day in the history of […]