There are certain things that make you question your life. I mean, I think I am doing okay thus far. I have not committed any heinous crimes or done anything terrible. Overall, I have been a pretty good person. I, however, have wondered if I am living up to my full potential.
Willie Nelson is not helping things.
For those unfamiliar with Willie Nelson, let me try to explain. Willie Nelson has had 25 number one singles in the United States. He has produced 68 studio albums in his 81 years on this earth. He is also a renowned marijuana user who loves the pot so much that he recorded a song with Snoop Dogg called “Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die.”
Oh, and according to an article I ran across today, Willie Nelson is a 5th-degree black belt in the martial art of Gong Kwon Yu Sul.
I was watching TV while simultaneously perusing news on the internet when I ran across an article about America’s favorite pot loving singer. According to this article, Willie Nelson walked off of his tour bus into the martial arts studio he has studied at for the past twenty years. Once there, he was presented with his fifth degree black belt in front of the parents of other martial arts students and celebrities such as Lance Armstrong.
That’s right. 81-year-old Willie Nelson, a man who has spent roughly 60 straight years stoned, is an accomplished martial artist. Conversely, I was able to do 40 push-ups the other day and felt pretty accomplished. If I were to run into this old country singer in a dark alley, he would easily be able to pound me into oblivion right before he stood over smoking a doobie and singing “Always On My Mind.”
I have never once in my life come close to earning a black belt. The closest I get is when I choose the black side of my reversible belt, but the only sort of physical activity involved in that comes when I bend over to pick it up off of the floor. In fact, I have never done any sort of martial arts at all. I never even pretended to be able to do karate as a kid.
That means that I am being beaten in every single way by a burnt out old hippie country singer. I have no hit singles and my studio album count is seriously lacking. Even the old guy has better hair than me with that sweet, sweet braid.
I guess the good news is Willie Nelson took 20 years to get his 5th-degree black belt. That means that he did not even start Gong Kwon Yu Sul until he was 61 years old. I still have 34 years before I even have to start learning how to Gong, Kwon, or Sul. That gives me a lot more time to attempt to accomplish something and make a name for myself like Willie.
Now if I can just figure out what Gong Kwon Yu Sul is. Does it involve kicking? It probably involves kicking…