It was there on the sidewalk. At first glance, I thought nothing of it. My dog and I kept walking to her customary pooping area. Then it registered.
It was an upside down cup, its resting place in the very center of the walking surface. The fact that it was a cup did not catch me off. In fact, at any given time of any given day, dozens of cups can be found lying about my apartment complex. This is due to the fact that a majority of the people living near me are disgusting. Not an average level of disgusting, but the level of disgusting that would probably get them on some sort of TLC reality program. They have no idea where trash does and does not belong. I have thought about hanging signs throughout the area that read “Trash in dumpster good, trash in piles throughout my stair well bad. Also, it does not make it any better if you hide it behind my bicycle.” They would probably just rip them down and leave them in my stairwell, though.
No, the sad thing was the stream of formerly deliciously frozen slushie now slowly melting and streaming down the hill. It was a miniature river of artificial orange flavoring and tiny chunks of ice crystals desperately clinging for life against the warm pavement of the sidewalk. This poor slushie had been abandoned by its owner and was now suffering the inevitable slushie fate. It was one of the gloomiest drink related sights a person can have.
I glanced around looking for the culprit. Maybe I would see a child crying, his sugar rush now just a mess in the way as I try to walk. Odds are, though, it was not a child. A child would lovingly care for his slush, savoring ever last bit of the fake fruit essence. He would hold it close until the moment he finally slurped the last remaining bit of it up. No, this was someone else with something much more heinous in mind.
This individual wanted the slushie to suffer.
I looked closely. Maybe there was still hope. If I tried, maybe I could scoop up the remainder of the treat and rush it into the safety of my freezer. I would have to move the bag of frozen chicken and the weird cubes of crushed garlic my wife seems to buy on a weekly basis, but I could find room. I glanced down to my dog who was giving me that look.
“Nathan,” she seemed to say. “It’s over. There will be other slushies to save. Just let this one go peacefully into the great slushie beyond.”
Who would throw away a perfectly good slushie? There is no reason to waste a delicious beverage like this. Even if that drink gave you a brain freeze, that is all on you. You need to learn how to pace yourself when drinking something that is made up of ice crystals and artificial flavors. There is no need to take it out on the drink.
Someday, this person will order another slushie and when they do, I hope they spill it all over themselves. I hope the slushie ruins their t-shirt just like they ruined this slushie today. They will sit in their car desperately trying to get the stain out of their shirt, but it is no use. The vengeance of the slushie is swift and very sticky.
Being the good citizen I am, I picked the cup up and placed it in the dumpster. The last thing the slushie would want is for the world to see its cup exposed like that. Plus, it’s not like anyone else would pick it up. They would probably just hide it behind my bike when I was not looking.
What a bunch of slobs…
Fun fact: This post contained the word “slushie” 12 times! Now I can’t look at the word without wanting to pluck my eyes out and throw them across the room! Isn’t repetition fun?