The Mystery of the Birthday Gift

At this very moment, there is something in my apartment. I do not what this thing is or where it is at. It could be anything, or at least anything small enough to hide inside a two-bedroom in South Nashville.

I must know what it is.

In less than a week, it will be my birthday. As is customary, there are certain expectations that I have when my birthday rolls around. I want cake and some sort of deal, but mostly I expect to be given stuff, things, doohickeys. I want gifts. It was in the middle of dinner when my wife let the cat out of the bag.

“I bought your birthday present today,” she said, raising her eyes from her salmon. She said it nonchalantly as if this were to garner no reaction from me. Naturally, it did get a reaction and I had a couple of questions.

“What is it?” Not surprisingly, she did not tell me. In the five years that we have been married, I have asked her this every single birthday, Christmas, anniversary, or any other situation involving possible gifts. She has never answered this question, but it never hurts to try.

“Okay,” I said, “Where is it?” Once again, complete silence. I would assume that this was because she thought I would go look for the gift if she answered the question. It’s insulting to know she thought that little of me. I mean, she was right, but that is beside the point.

Now I am here in my house, knowing that some mystery object is hidden in some mystery place. Worst is that this mystery object was purchased specifically for me. I have sat here, trying desperately to remember every single thing I have mentioned wanting in the past month. There was the Washburn parlor guitar, but that is a bit outside of our price range. I would assume that means that the Porsche 911 Carrera S Cabriolet is not the gift. Besides, I think I would notice that hidden in the apartment somewhere.

I glanced around, hoping for a clue, but nothing. Nothing under the bed, nothing in the closet, nothing behind the couch. I even checked in the cabinet over the stove that we never use, but there was nothing anywhere. For a second, I thought that maybe this was a trick. Maybe there really was no gift to be found and it was just a joke. Of course, that is more of a lie than a joke. That is really not a move she usually defaults to.

I guess I could just wait six days. Then she would hand that gift right over to me. I would not have to hunt for it. That, though, is for quitters and I am no quitter. I will hunt until I find that present, until the mystery has been solved. There are only a finite amount of places this gift could be, so I should eventually find it.

Of course, if I do, she might be disappointed. I do not want to disappoint my wife. The question is, which do I want more: to not disappoint my wife or to have the gifts? It is quite the conundrum.

I guess she should never have told me she bought it. She brought this on herself.

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13 thoughts on “The Mystery of the Birthday Gift

  1. Hahaha my mum is coming to visit me in Canberra next week and I have a surprise planned for her. I’m the type who always wants to give someone a gift the minuite I buy it for them whereas my mum is the type who loves to wait until the right time for the gift to be revealed. Once my mum hid my presents in PLAIN VIEW! My sister and I looked high and low (literally – in the top most shelves of mum’s cupboard which were very high in a high ceilinged house), in every nook and cranny we could think of… everywhere except in plain view.

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  2. Your blog is such an experience every time…your confessional and thorough detailing is so genuine, humorous and enjoyable to read (reminds me how I think and catalog what happens in my own day!). Gifts are tempting, kind of a Pandora’s box of sorts…you want the surprise, but the inner detective claws to get out too, just to know. Good luck waiting and hope you enjoy the final surprise!

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  3. Maybe she has it hidden at a friend’s home because she knows you are incredibly snoopy? Telling you she bought it heightens the suspense & makes it more fun for both of you – I can tell! My hubby takes the other tack – he pretends my birthday is not even on his radar. Like you, I want someone to make a fuss over me on my birthday – I want cake & candles, flowers, etc. Because we lived in the bush for so many years, I did without all the birthday trappings, but there was usually a gift. This has caused some tension in our home in the past as it appears he has forgotten, but nothing major until a couple years ago – when he forgot my birthday for real! My birthday came & went without a card, without any acknowledgement whatsoever. I was devastated, we had a fight. The next year, my bloggy buddies made a huge fuss over my birthday & it was a great surprise!

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