Possible Side Effects Include Literally Anything Bad You Can Think Of

The commercial was for a heart medication. Based on the commercial, this drug is specifically formulated and created to allow for trips to greenhouses followed by researching flowers in a book, all while grinning like a complete lunatic.

As the footage rolled of this old man gesturing to a picture of a flower while smiling at the woman who was either his daughter or age-inappropriate wife, a voice popped up over the soft music in the background:

“Please let your doctor know if you have certain conditions as this may result in an increased risk of bleeding. While on (insert drug name here), please refrain from strenuous activity as bleeding may result. Internal bleeding may occur, so please contact your physician if an increase or drop of blood pressure occurs.”

This continued for the next 15 seconds, using the words bleeding and blood roughly 47 more times. The only way it would have been more alarming is if the man on the commercial had stopped planting flowers just as blood began spurt out of his neck, screaming through the clinched teeth of his idiotic grin.

As this commercial wrapped, the next began to roll. It was a drug that helps people quit smoking. The woman on-screen began to describe how free she felt now that she had ingested this drug for a specified amount of time. All the while, the woman was caring for her family, a picturesque scene as the woman interacted with her two young daughters.

Again, the voice came in:

“Some people had changes in behavior, thinking or mood, hostility, agitation, depressed mood and suicidal thoughts while on (insert drug name here).” I was a bit concerned. Apparently this drug will turn a person from a normal well-adjusted human being to a hostile depressed suicidal maniac who gets agitated easily. I felt worried for the two children. What if those changes in behavior happened while this mother was alone with her children? That would really put a damper on this charming family scene. Fortunately, the camera zoomed out to reveal that the father of the girls was there as well, so my worries were completely unfounded.

At times, it seems that drug side effects could be significantly worse than the original issue. I would imagine that visiting a doctor and being recommended a drug could be a confusing time:

“We’ve gotten the tests back and I’m going to write you a prescription to take care of your Psoriasis.”

“Okay! Thanks Doc! You wouldn’t believe how itchy my skin has been.”

“Well, this should take care of it Mr. Johnson. Now, there are a few things you should know about this drug. It will get rid of your Psoriasis, but there are a few side effects possible.”

“Like what?”

“Nothing too crazy. Upset stomach, occasional drowsiness, invasive fungal infections that can affect your organs, dry mouth…

“Wait… what?”

“Dry mouth? Oh, that’s when your mouth feels a lot more dry than normally does and…

“No, the third one.”

“Oh, the fungal infections? It’s a very rare chance, so don’t even worry about it. I mean, the odds of an infection are as likely as your chances of experiencing exasperation of your central nervous system or a lymphoma.”

“That happens too?!”

“I mean, it HAS… the chances aren’t great though.”

Now Mr. Johnson has to decide whether he would like to live with Psoriasis, a malady that will likely not kill you, or gamble that he will not be the one in 200,000 that gets a fungal infection in his vital organs. This would not be an easy decision for me. I have trouble picking food when at a restaurant and this is just like that only both options are terrible and one will probably make you die.

I guess if the drugs will make you as happy and well-adjusted as the people on the commercials, using them might be worth it. I would find myself always active, participating in outdoor activities and beaming like I never have before. It actually sounds like a great opportunity.

I wonder if I could take a drug for the side effect of the drug…

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4 thoughts on “Possible Side Effects Include Literally Anything Bad You Can Think Of

  1. To tell you the truth I have always thought I needed to get my pen and paper ready, as i sit down and watch tv for awhile. I want to get the names of all these drugs that people are ingesting for one ailment or another and then make fun of all the side affects. As this would probably take more time than I normally use to watch television. I am sure it will take a few weeks.

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