When a big event like the Super Bowl takes place, you are sure to hear some weird stories. After all, it is a day when 325.5 million gallons of beer is consumed. That does not exactly sound like a day full of responsible decisions.
All around the country, people are more likely to break bones in humiliating and ridiculous ways. No doubt at least one person got a very ill-advised tattoo. In Rochester, NY, one man decided to celebrate the biggest football game of the year by outdoing all other decisions with the very worst decision.
It all started when Sean Fallon-Nebbia decided to host a Super Bowl party. He invited his brother Frank over and they immediately started in on what I assume is their favorite activity: drinking. They drank and drank and drank. Throughout the game, drink after drink went hit their lips.
Then, towards the end of the party, something set off Sean. Perhaps he was a Broncos fan and was very upset with the game. Maybe he was mad that the Red Hot Chile Peppers only played one song during the halftime show. Whatever the cause for Sean’s anger, he let it out in a very healthy way.
By “very healthy way”, what I mean is he bit Frank’s ear so hard that it is permanently disfigured.
This is a difficult story for me to relate to. Maybe it is because instead of gallons of beer, I have spent my evening drinking water. Still, though, I cannot think of one thing that Frank could have done that would make Sean so mad he would attempt to eat his ear.
In fact, I do not believe there is a single situation that would end with me gnawing on an ear. If a person walked up to me with a gun and held it to my head, threatening to kill me unless I were to try to bite off someone’s ear, I still would not jump right into action. First, I would question exactly how I ended up in this specific situation. Then I would be making a mental pro con list.
-I get to continue living. That is a big pro. I have never tried being dead, but I would bet it is decidedly less pleasant than living.
-I would be able to relate more closely to zombies, vampires, or any other creature I see in movies that tends to end up biting humans.
-Protein is healthy.
-I know I already said it, but that whole living thing is pretty cool
-It’s a human ear. Ears are not food.
While the pro list is pretty long, I still would have a lot of trouble getting past that single con. I would imagine the texture would not be all that great. Plus the wax! There is a reason you cannot find a Ben and Jerry’s earwax flavored ice cream. (Tentative ice cream name: Space: The Final Front’ear)
Yes, I know I am approaching this with a great deal more logic than Sean did, but I would bet I approach nearly everything with more logic than Sean would. Of course, there could be something I am not privy to that led to this type ear-devouring moment. Maybe there was a hefty wager on whether or not Sean could, in fact, permanently scar Frank’s ear. Or, you know, that gun thing I was talking about earlier. I should probably cut him a break.
I mean, he did plead not guilty in court. That means he couldn’t possibly have just gotten in a drunken fight that ended with him chewing on his brother’s ear, right?