I want to be clear before we begin this blog post: I love my wife. She is the apple of my eye, the Yin to my Yang, the fruit of my loom. All of that cheesy stuff.
For five years, we have cohabitated and done so very successfully. I attribute this to our willingness to share. This is very important to a healthy relationship. It would be strange if we refused to share our pots and pans for instance. Plus, with double the cooking tools, we would need a much bigger kitchen.
Lately though, I feel like this sharing may put a strain on our relationship. I’m okay with having to maneuver around each other at the bathroom sink or having the covers ripped away from me in the middle of the night. One specific sharing, though, has caused me to question my identity.
Back at the beginning of our relationship, we heard about this exciting new website. It was the year 2008. It was a very different time back then. Most movies were viewed via a round disc-like device called a “DVD”. Then Franklin Q. Netflix IIX created his namesake website. This website allowed for a person to have these discs mailed to their home and even watch them via a high tech device called “the world wide web”. Being the movie fans that we are, I immediately signed us up. I added a few movies to our queue and went on my way.
The next time I signed in, though, something strange had happened. There alongside my handful of movies sat nearly every single Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio movie. I say nearly all because naturally “Titanic” was left off. I assume that she left it off since she had already watched it 178 times and couldn’t bear to watch Leo die for the 179th time. Knowing the importance of sharing, I relented. If my new bride wanted to watch Kate’s turn as Maddy LeClerc in “Quills”, then I would not stand in her way.
About a year later, another strange phenomenon had taken place. Our queue had grown quite long. There, freshly added to it, were 20 or so movies about the Holocaust. This is an unnerving thing to see on your Netflix queue, particularly if your additions tend to be more lighthearted fare like Monty Python or the Marx brothers. Still, though, I was okay with it.
For those unfamiliar with Netflix, there is a feature that helps you pick movies or TV programs. It uses a very confusing logarithm looking at what you have watched to help you figure out what you would like to watch next. If this were based on my movies, it would be just a list of sitcoms, sports documentaries, and “Breaking Bad”. This is not the case.
When I log onto Netflix, it recommends the following shows: “Sister Wives”, “Property Wars”, “What Not To Wear”, “19 Kids and Counting”, “Freaky Eaters”, “Extreme Couponing”, “Say Yes to the Dress”, “Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids”, “Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta”, and any other show ever created involving a combination of the words “yes” and “dress”.
You might be wondering what terrors have been unleashed on my living room to make Netflix decide these are the things I would like to be watching. It might have been the episodes of “My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding” or perhaps the viewing of “My Cat From Hell”. Fun fact: none of the cats featured in that last show actually originated in the underworld. Maybe it was “My Fair Wedding” or “My Strange Addiction”. It could be any “My (adjective) (noun)” show as that appears to be all my wife watches these days.
The worst part about this is that I set up our Netflix account. That means that every time I log in, Netflix has specifically labeled these shows as “Top Picks For Nathan”. I sit on my couch, shouting at my TV. “NO!” I scream. “ANYTHING BUT THAT!” But it’s too late. Netflix has decided that I am obsessed with weddings, ingesting foreign substances, and demonic pets.
Sharing can be difficult. As I write this, my wife is again using our shared Netflix account to watch the strange addictions of others. If this is the biggest issue we have, I guess we have it pretty good. Besides, it can be educational.
Apparently a gasoline drinking addiction is bad for your liver. Who would have guessed that?