As a habitual internet news junkie, I spend a fair amount of my day finding things out that I view as very interesting. No one else ever does. Apparently my interests are far different from everyone else’s. I have deduced this after dozens of examples of people’s eyes glazing over as I speak.
That is one of the major benefits of being married. Having a wife at home, I always have someone to tell these interesting tidbits to and she is contractually obligated to listen to me. (I’m pretty sure that’s in the vows somewhere.) Usually, though, these tidbits will launch us into a spiraling conversation that gets far away from the original point.
This is one of those conversations:
Nathan: I was reading about Larry Bird today. He said that one time when he was injured he ate ten gallons of ice cream and seven wedding cakes in two and a half weeks. He said he always ate wedding cakes because who would mess up a wedding cake?
Nathan’s Wife: I don’t get why wedding cake is so much better than any other cake. When your aunt made our cake, she made it from boxed cake mix.
Yeah, she’s a professional baker. I’m sure she did something different to it.
What is there to do different? It’s a cake mix! The ingredients are already in there!
I don’t know. I’m not a professional baker.
How did cakes become a thing at weddings anyway? How did that start? It doesn’t make sense. It’s a stupid tradition.
You feel very strongly about this.
No. If you stop and think about it, why?
I feel like your bordering on an existential crisis right now.
No. Okay, the carrying of the bouquet makes sense because when women started doing it, they stunk and it covered up their smell…
Bouquets only exist because women didn’t bathe?
Yes. If you look at the start of that wedding tradition, people in general only bathed a few times a year. When weddings occurred in May or June, it was hot and people smelled bad, so women started carrying bouquets. We’ve digressed.
That one I get. The tossing of flowers because it predicts who will get married next. It’s a fun game. The throwing of the rice, a symbol of good luck and prosperity, wishing the couple luck and fat bellies.
You know what I mean. But serving cake makes no sense.
To me, that is the only tradition that does make sense. If I’m getting married, I don’t want someone to throw rice at me so I get fat. We have deodorant now, so bouquets don’t need to exist. Cake, however, is always delicious. Anyone who doesn’t like cake is crazy.
Just because it’s delicious doesn’t mean it needs to be served at every wedding known to man. And you still haven’t explained why it tastes different from any other cake.
Because it symbolizes love.
Does punch also symbolize love?
Yes, especially if it involves sherbet.