Easter is a magical time. There are very few holidays that involve mammals laying candy filled eggs and even fewer where biting the heads off of chocolate rabbits are considered acceptable.
Throughout the Easter season, stores are inundated with adorable candy. Marshmallow peeps and egg shaped everything are there at every turn. Tiny chocolate eggs and large candy rabbits sit, tempting you as you go throughout your normal grocery shopping. Even the line for the cash register is Eastered out, fully stocked with Cadbury eggs.
Once that Easter Rabbit has come and inexplicably attempted to reproduce by laying candy eggs (Someone should explain reproduction to the Easter Bunny), stores find themselves in a sticky situation. They have bought tons of Easter Candy. Over $2 billion was spent on candy, yet they still have more left over. Panicking, these store owners have no choice but to cut their losses, slashing prices to a deep discount. That is when the real holiday begins.
Today is Reese’s Egg day.
For those who have never had a Reese’s Egg, the simplest way to describe them is this: take everything you like about candy, then forget about it because the Reese’s Egg is better than that. The Reese’s Egg is pure heavenly peanut butter goodness wrapped in a thin chocolate layer. To give you an idea how it compares to other candies, I have run the numbers in what I call “The Candy Deliciousness Index.”
As you can see, no other candy on the chart compares.
Right now, someone out there is saying, “Yeah, but their just egg shaped Reese’s Cups.” You, my friend, are the world’s dumbest person for saying that. It’s a miracle that you have not been banished from society. Clearly survival of the fittest is not true because if it were, your lack of candy intellect would have gotten you bumped off years ago.
The Reese’s egg is far superior to the Reese’s cup for a very specific reason. The peanut butter to chocolate ratio is perfect. There is not too much of either one. It is the perfect candy creation, the very delicacy that God would have created had he been interested in sweet treats and not creating the universe.
“But wouldn’t it be better if there was some caramel in it?”
NO! Nothing would make it better! Everyone in the candy game is trying their darndest to catch Reese’s eggs, but it will never ever happen!
Of course Reese’s can’t even leave it alone. This Easter, there came ice cream eggs and white chocolate eggs. It’s like they took the Mona Lisa, then drew a funny moustache on it and used it as toilet paper. JUST LEAVE MY EGGS ALONE!
Sadly, the end of Easter means the end of the egg until next year. That’s why I stock up. I have heard people say to diversify their portfolio, so I choose to diversify it into Peanut Butter Eggs. I by low, at the end of Easter season. Then, when the world’s economies all come crashing down around us, suddenly the Reese’s Egg will be worth an unbelievable amount and I will sell high. I will be the richest man in the world. It’s a fool-proof plan as long as I don’t eat my invest first.
I’ll probably need to find a different way to make my millions.