DEAR NATHAN: I have been divorced for eight years. My daughter is learning how to drive. In her mother’s car, while under her mother’s supervision, she hit their garage door.
My ex believes I should pay half the cost of the new garage door. Also, she did a total upgrade, turning the entrance to the garage into one large door instead of two. I say I shouldn’t have to pay. She says if it was someone else’s house we would pay. I agree, but it is not, and my ex-wife was in the car — not me. — WHO PAYS? IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR WHO PAYS: If your daughter is old enough to be learning how to drive, the answer is simple: she pays for it. Make her get a job and pay for that garage.
Your ex sounds like a peach, by the way. Would you make her pay for your house if your daughter ran into it under your supervision? I don’t think so.
If I were you, I would agree to pay for that half. Then you own half of her garage. Imagine how great it would be to have an extra place to park a car. You could set up a nice workshop on that half and build that dining room table and chairs you have always wanted. Plus you can never put a price on the investment value of half a garage.
Talk that over with your ex. At the very least, it should start a fun and very memorable fight.
DEAR NATHAN: When setting someone up for a date, do you think it is important to share the person’s race? My friends and I have no problem with interracial relationships, but other people, unfortunately, sometimes do. I would hate to put someone in a situation where a date rejected him/her or is rude because of race.
Our friend “Jena” set up a girlfriend, “Joan,” who is Chinese, on a date with a white man. Joan knew what the man looked like and was fine with it, but when Jena showed the man a picture of Joan (who is gorgeous), he made an excuse and backed out. We hate to think what he may have said to Joan if he’d gone into the date “blind.”
What do you think, Nathan? We dislike prejudice, but we want to avoid hurting anyone in the future. — COLORBLIND IN MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA
DEAR COLORBLIND: As a progressive man in a modern-colorblind society, I see no reason why race would be important in dating. This is, of course, if you were trying to set up a person like me. There are many people where it is very important.
For instance, you wouldn’t want to set your white supremacist friend up with a lovely African American gentleman. In that situation, your innocent attempt at finding someone true love could very well end in a hate crime or, at the very least, an uncomfortable and very tense evening. The same would go for your black panther friend, your Nazi friend, or any other militant and possibly violent friend you might have.
The more important thing we need to look at, though, is you. Why are you setting “Joan” up with people? “Joan” is a very lovely girl and she doesn’t need you to but in to find a man. Sure, she has had hard times in love, but by insisting on setting her up with men, you are basically saying, “We love you , Joan, but no one else in the world ever will without our help.” I don’t think that is anyway for friends to treat each other and I’m sure that “Joan” secretly resents you. Butt out, Colorblind. Butt out.
If you don’t agree with me, which I’m sure you don’t, and you are thinking “I’m just trying to help Joan,” just remember that up until you “helped” “Joan,” she was not around any racists. Now she still has no date and someone has offended her entire culture.
That sounds like a big loss to me.
Good luck in your future xenophobic endeavours,
DEAR NATHAN: A great man once said, “A life without love is no life at all.” So many people find love in so many ways, either through arranged marriages or at social events, school or college.
I have always been a hopeless romantic, but since the end of my eight-year relationship, my heart no longer feels the same. I feel as though love will never find me.
I know people say when it happens you will know, but my question is: How do you really know? And when that time does ever come, how do you prepare your heart for love after a tragic loss? — TRYING TO GO ON
DEAR TRYING TO GO ON: Your question is a very difficult one to answer. If you don’t believe, read any amateur poet in history. There first 250-300 poems are strictly about how difficult love is to understand. Then they move into different areas such as nature or creepy Edgar Allen Poe-esque writings and eventually drink themselves to death. Poets are very sad.
There are several ways to know. For me, it was very simple.
After dating the woman who would become my wife for some time, I realized something very important: she was not disgusted by me. This is quite a feat as I am a very disgusting person. I leave dirty dishes in the living room and leave my socks on the floor. My fashion-sense is deplorable. I think we can all agree that on a 1-10 scale, I am sitting in at a solid 3.
When I discovered this, I amped up the disgusting a bit more. I stopped hiding my belching as much. Instead of ordering food at restaurants that I felt were clean and easy to eat without looking like a barbarian, I ordered ribs. She was still there.
That, my friend, was when I knew. You can’t let a woman who puts up with your nastiness like that get away.
- Dear Nathan (badlandsbadley.wordpress.com)