Having watched “The Hunger Games” for the first time tonight, I am very disturbed. Not by the violence and killing. In movies these days, that seems pretty par for the course. No, the movie had me worried.
If I am ever in a killing contest, I am in big trouble.
Until watching the movie, I did not know that a contest like this was possible. I realized there are a number of skills I have not developed for this particular “game.” For the foreseeable future, I will be working on the following:
Weapon Skills: I can not shoot a bow and arrow. I am not good with a knife. In fact, my use of any weapon will almost always be bad. If, however, they allow us to use sporks, I may be okay.
No one can kill with a spork like I can.
Competitive Spirit: I have never been a very competitive person. Maybe my competitive spirit would pop up when my life is on the line. More likely, though, I would end up wondering about the woods and hoping the game was over.
Running: In “The Hunger Games,” people run. A lot. Everywhere. All of the time. I currently run nowhere ever. I did jog up stairs today, but I was a little winded at the end of it and I’m pretty sure it was not nearly as physically demanding as sprinting through the woods with a giant dog-like creature chasing me.
Hiding: I have an infamously short attention span. I would be painted like a rock for a total of 10 minutes before I stood up and immediately took a knife to the jugular.
My Willingness to End a Human Life: This seems like the toughest part. I guess I would just have to imagine that instead of people, I was killing giant, person sized marshmallow Peeps.
I am great at murdering marshmallow chicks.