Deceit, Thy Name is House Hunters

HGTV logo premiered on March 1, 2010

HGTV logo premiered on March 1, 2010 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Before today’s post begins, I would like to warn you, the reader, of the content that is about to follow. If you are a person who is insistent that the world is filled with only the best things, that deep down everything is perfect and everything is as it seems, then the following post may crush your spirits, sending you into a deep state of depression, paranoia, and apprehension.

If this describes you, leave.

Now.

 

 

 

Okay, everybody gone? Good. We can begin.

In the world of television, there are two main types of shows. There are scripted programs and there are non-scripted. The scripted programs are meant to send the viewer into a magical world of imagination, allowing the viewer to imagine what could be if they were a medical examiner or wacky city dweller or a 30-year-old high school student who feels it necessary to ruin a pop song every single time they feel any sort of emotion. Just for the record, that last one was talking about “Glee.”

The non-scripted programs, though, have a much larger responsibility. They exist solely to show us what is happening in the world around us. Sure, we can daydream all we want about what our lives could be like, but it turns out there are people out there who live crazy lives every day. Our world is filled with bounty hunters, idiots from New Jersey, pregnant teenagers, or small people living in a big world. These programs give us a glimpse at what it would be like to be one of these people. Then, a half-hour later, we can turn off the TV, sit back, and feel relief that we have never had to try to keep Snooki from getting into a fight.

The entire appeal of these programs is the fact that these things actually happen. These are REAL occurrences that just happen to be captured by a team of professional cameramen. We watch and can feel like Jane Goodall, observing the apes in their natural habitat.*

Unfortunately, we may not be able to trust everything that comes on our TV.

Bobi Johnson, a former subject of the popular reality show “House Hunters,” has officially said in an interview that the filming of her show was not real. For those who have never seen this show, it follows people looking to buy a house. They view many different houses and say things like “that tile is so gauche,” or “I just feel like the space is so tight here.” Then, they pick a house and live happily ever after.

Only, according to Johnson, this is not exactly how things went down. Instead, she had ALREADY BOUGHT A HOUSE when the show was filmed. That would be like filming the Jersey Shore cast drinking after they had all already passed out in their own vomit. Sure, we knew that was going to happen, but it’s the journey that we want to see.

Now, I know what you are thinking. There is a show where people pick houses? Who would watch that? I went house shopping one time and I was ready to pick the first one just so I did not have to look at another one. I can come up with a thousand better ideas for a show. For instance, me making coffee. That would be more entertaining than people buying a house. People would be invested, wondering what type of mug I would use or how much cream I would put in. I wonder if I know anyone who works in television…

Okay, sure, you are thinking that. The second thing you are definitely thinking, though, is what blatant disregard this shows to you, the viewer. Every episode, tens of people tune in to see regular Joes like Johnson critique crown moldings, only to find out that she may not have cared about those crown moldings at all.

To make it even worse, the people at HGTV had the following to say:

We’ve learned that the pursuit of the perfect home involves big decisions that usually take place over a prolonged period of time – more time than we can capture in 30 minutes of television…. We’re making a television show, so we manage certain production and time constraints, while honoring the home buying process…. Showcasing three homes makes it easier for our audience to “play along” and guess which one the family will select. It’s part of the joy of the ‘House Hunters’ viewing experience. Through the lens of television, we can offer a uniquely satisfying and fun viewing experience that fulfills a universal need to occasionally step into someone else’s shoes.”

They do not even respect us enough to lie about it! They just give us a rational explanation as to why they make their boring show this way.

To mend the relationship that HGTV has with the public, there is only one answer.

A reality show about the making of a reality show.

Imagine… all of the decision-making that goes on behind the scenes of “House Hunters.” What angle should we shoot the family when they are looking at the countertops? How should the family feel about the lovely hardwood floors? What is being served on the craft services table? (Spoiler alert: Poptarts!)

It is all of the excitement of creating a reality show, now available for the viewing public. Plus, when everyone finds out the brawl between cameramen or the injury caused by lighting were all fake, you can just adapt this strategy, creating “Behind the Scenes of Behind the Scenes of House Hunters.” It is a never-ending cycle.

HGTV, you have betrayed us, but you can still make it right. Create this show immediately.

By the way, as creator, I will need a hefty upfront payment and a high percentage of the gross on the backend. Have your people get back to me.

 

 

 

 

*There is a decent crack about the members of “The Jersey Shore” to be put here, but it seemed far too obvious. Therefore, I will let you enter your own joke here. You are welcome.

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6 thoughts on “Deceit, Thy Name is House Hunters

  1. Although I live across the pond we have exactly the same problem – fake reality! I personally think the universe may implode! One particular program of ours is ’60 minute makerover’. The premise – completely renovate a house in one hour – huh! In what alternative reality is that made – it often makeshift feel that I’m living in the matrix – paint takes longer than an hour to dry in my world!

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  2. I actually like(d) this show. And while I know you obvioulsy can’t pick a house in a day after only looking at 3, here was my assumption…
    I ASSuMEd that the buyers looked at several homes, HGTV only showing the 3 best that were looked at. I know they’re going to get approved or else they wouldn’t be on the show. I also like watching just to see what homes are priced at in different areas. And I enjoyed trying to guess which house the buyer would choose, I was usually right that they would pick the most expensive.
    So, after finding out that all my wasted time watching was just a big scam, I feel ripped off.

    If I were good at selling, I would be a realtor, just so I could tour homes. I love doing it!

    Like

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