My Day at the Airport

Starbucks at the Airport: Matcha Frappuchino

8:30- Arrive at the airport. My 9:30 flight is delayed until 11:30. I have no choice but to kill time until my flight by wandering through every store in the airport terminal.

8:35- Having forgotten how Kansas City International works, I am reminded that there are only two stores in the entire terminal. Having seen both of these, I head through security.

8:38- I remember that I have a belt on as the metal detector goes off. I find myself worried that the security guard thinks I am a terrorist threat and will tase me. He only asks me to take off my belt, but I’m sure he wonders why I flinch every time he walks by.

8:51- My wife calls to tell me she found a faster way to and from the airport. It is the way I told her was the fastest when we left our apartment. Fortunately she did not listen to me and went her way. Otherwise I would have 15 more minutes to kill.

9:00- Someone comes over the loud-speaker. It appears they wanted to communicate the following: “BABL HAMNET GAFL NENKY!” I hope that this means “Nathan, we have undelayed your flight. Come to your private aircraft now.” It does not appear to mean that.

9:08- A man makes a comment about my vintage looking Mountain Dew t-shirt, saying “That shirt must be awful old!” Mentally, I run through the options. He could be serious, but he is most likely joking. Knowing that it is polite to laugh at jokes, I give him a hearty chuckle. He must not have been joking because he gave me a very confused look.

9:28- The five-year-old next to me opens a coloring book. I briefly think about stealing it, but come to my senses. Besides, it’s an educational coloring book and everyone knows they suck.

9:31- The kid cannot figure out how to write the letter “W” in his coloring book. I bask in the knowledge that I fully understand the letter “W” and he does not. I am a genius.

9:42- I realize the man next to me smells good. Really good. I hope that I smell that good, but I ate Jack In The Box for breakfast, so I’m sure I smell like grease and sadness.

10:01- “The Smurfs” come on the TV next to me. While I smurf the show, I wish the plane would smurf so I could smurf out of here.

10:04- A lady has discovered that her flight is delayed. She proceeds to scream “I HATE THIS AIRLINE! I HATE IT SO MUCH!” Then she angrily declares that she is “going to get a STUPID Frappuchino and wait ANOTHER hour!” That Starbucks barista is in for a treat.

10:29- After resisting for two hours, I finally cave and buy a Starbucks drink. I get the healthy Frappuchino in my efforts to keep from being a fat slob. It tastes like dirt. I hope that the angry lady did not order this particular Frappuchino. It would definitely not calm her down.

10:40- The lady over the loud-speaker says “BLEEDLE SKANTER FERGER JALNER” which means my flight will take off at 11:30 as planned. Of course they mean as replanned, but the loudspeaker gal gets an A for effort.

10:50- Boarding! They say we’re going to board! I almost give the announcement a standing ovation, but it would make for a long flight if everyone kept calling me “that clapping guy.”

11:01- The restroom next to the Starbucks is being blocked off due to a security issue. I assume that the angry lady did order the healthy Frappuchino and has gone on some sort of rampage. Regardless of the reason, I am beginning to regret getting that coffee beverage.

This may be a long flight.

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17 thoughts on “My Day at the Airport

  1. welcome to the airlines in the year 2012 … lovely huh??? It is best to go to the airport knowing you will be delayed, then your luggage will not fir due to NOBODY checking anymore due to fees. Then boarding the aircraft you find your seat is double booked. Then finding out the plane service does not even include a wet beverage (FREE) or a stale bag of peanuts. You sit the entire flight starving because you DID NOT BUY that $7.00 sandwich at starbucks prior to boarding.The finding out the entire plane is over sold. The delaying again while the airline waits to buy off people for next flight. Then you will be delayed from landing in your city due to crowding. Ah the joy of flying!

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