Farewell, Anonymity. We Hardly Knew Ye…

Via quickmeme.com

I don’t think there is a single thing in the history of the world that makes me happier than a comment section on the internet.

Nothing gives me more joy than heading to YouTube, finding the latest adorable animal video, then commenting, “Why are you watching these cute animals when Obama is trying to literally destroy the Earth?! He has a planet melting ray gun and everything!” Then people comment back with things like “Go die” or “Your mom is trying to destroy the planet by eating it.” That’s what you call dialogue.

Every time I share one of my brilliant thoughts (“The writer of this article must have been really bad in speling class. Look how badd he sppeled words! What a ignooramoose!”), there is only one regret. Sure, I am able to express every thought I have about any type of media, but when I’m perusing these articles, every comment comes up under my commenter profile. Across the web universe, people know that GagaLover42 has said these things, but they have no idea that GagaLover42 is me.

That’s why I was so thankful when I heard about the efforts of New York State Senator Thomas F. O’Mara. The O’Senator has also grown tired of the anonymity that comes with the internet and has introduced a bill that would require that any anonymous poster disclose their real name, IP address, and home address. No longer will people like myself toil away unappreciated. Now people will know exactly who I am and where I live. Huzzah!

This bill is a brilliant piece of legislation. O’Mara has noticed a lack of accountability for the people making comments and, with this bill, people who say anything even slightly controversial could be subject to hate mail, hacking attacks, and possibly an angry mob with pitchforks and torches pulling you out of your bed at night and dousing you in tar and feathers. It’s everything the forefathers wanted when they created the right to free(ish) speech.

Of course, O’Mara has some critics. These people say this is dangerous and ineffective. Personally, I don’t see how this could be ineffective at all. People would never lie about their name and address to make an obscene comment. People on the internet are nothing if not truthful.

I mean, what is the big deal about disclosing your address? If I were O’Mara, I would take it one step further. People who comment must provide a social security number and credit card. Maybe even a pint of blood. There are no limitations to the security we could provide the internet.

Since we live in America, though, everyone is allowed to express their own opinion freely. It’s one of the major flaws in the constitution. Since O’Mara is all about openness, he surely wouldn’t mind you sending him letters at home. He seems to have forgotten to give everyone his home address, though, so feel free to call him at 607-735-9671 or  607-776-3201 or even 518-455-2091.

He is sure to be happy to hear from you, provided you are ready to volunteer your name and address.

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41 thoughts on “Farewell, Anonymity. We Hardly Knew Ye…

  1. Woah woah wait a minute… YOU are GagaLover42?? If so, I have to apologize for telling you to go die and for making fun of your mom. I’m sure she’s a very pleasant woman.

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  2. You raise a good point here. I wonder what all you little troublemakers did before Al Gore invented the interwebs? Graffiti? Drugs? Crime? Any chance petty crime rates have gone down now that the internet is taking up all their time?

    See, there’s always a silver lining. Or something.

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  3. No one has any right to know where I live – regardless of what I have to say. My rock is my home and I’m not leaving. And I don’t have to make sense, either. You, on the other hand, are hilarious. Thanks, and Enjoy always. I know you do…..

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  4. Wow… That sounds like so much fun .. 🙂 When I was watching a video about Titanic the other day and when I was gonna comment on it , I found some totally unrelated discussion Nazis going on. There were lots of beeps and go-to-hells all over the place. Not just this video but I have seen rants about Stalin and Nazi in many many unrelated videos. So is it some kind of favourite among the anonymous-lurkers ??

    Anyway hilarious post 🙂 🙂

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  5. Thank you for sharing. I had not heard about this before and look forward to hearing how it ends up. Please keep us informed. I’ve always wanted to send fan mail to all those people I post comments on their blog.

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  6. That idea is awesome. I mean, if anybody wants to know just how awesome it is, talk to those folks for whom Spike Lee made all those new friends when he tweeted their address out erroneously as the address for George Zimmerman. Which was also an awesome idea.

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    • I have always thought that causing someone to get hate mail is a great way to gain new friends. Surprisingly, this tactic hasn’t worked out that well, but I’m willing to keep trying.

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