Getting a job is hard these days. Everyone seems to be on the hunt for employment and that means that to get your dream job (Space Cowboy/ Unicorn Trainer), you will be up against some pretty stiff competition.
With this much competition, one must have a resume that sticks out and gets them that interview that they so desperately need. Fortunately for you, I have created the ultimate résumé. You are guaranteed* to get a job with this:
*You are not really guaranteed anything. Actually, using this resume will pretty much guarantee that you do NOT get the job.