Getting a job is hard these days. Everyone seems to be on the hunt for employment and that means that to get your dream job (Space Cowboy/ Unicorn Trainer), you will be up against some pretty stiff competition.
With this much competition, one must have a resume that sticks out and gets them that interview that they so desperately need. Fortunately for you, I have created the ultimate résumé. You are guaranteed* to get a job with this:
*You are not really guaranteed anything. Actually, using this resume will pretty much guarantee that you do NOT get the job.
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Genius Nathan! I think it would get you a great creative writing job! Does that sound cheesy? Not as cheesy as that resume! Okay, I can’t think of anything cute to say tonight. Sorry. Nice post.
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Genius is a very strong word. It was okay.
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I know, I was just trying to be nice.
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Well, mission accomplished!
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I always accomplish my missions. 😉
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I wish I could use that resume, but it has the wrong name on it! “Your Name Here” – what kind of name is that, is that Korean?
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Hahaha! No, silly. That is where you are supposed to put YOUR name! You are such a character! What a nut!
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Wait, that’s not a good resume to pass off as my own? Darn, I really should read the fine print on these things before I send off fifty copies to every advertised position in the city… 🙂
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I hope I haven’t derailed your professional career. That would be rude of me.
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Should we change the part that says “Your Name Here” … and if so, do I put my name, or YOUR name…. or the interviewer’s name? Should I spray the resume with perfume, before turning it in? If I have to electronically submit the resume, should I spray perfume on the monitor or the tower? So many choices…
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LOL Kim 🙂
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You can put any name you like but absolutely spray everything that might relate to a job search with perfume.
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Is it love at first sight for the potential employer or time to call security. Tough call. I’m thinking HR will really love this one. T
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Someone should apply for a job with it just to see what happens…
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Now I get it. I guess many of the people who work around me got their jobs because they followed your excellent résumé as example…, or nah, I believe they even plagiarized it.
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That would explain it. It is an excellent résumé.
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This is hilarious!! I would love to see a resume like this come across my desk!!
Can I borrow it and send it out just for poohs and giggles? 🙂
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You may.
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Does this resume work on pink paper too?
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It works best if you do white print on black paper. People love the inverse résumé.
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What about green print on purple paper?
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Only if you want to be the laughing stock of the company. I mean, green and purple?! Come on!
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I like standing out. Isn’t this how Lady GaGa became famous anyway?
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If you sincerely are comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, then you have my pity.
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Oh God no.
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Then you do not have my pity, unless of course you are lying about comparing yourself to Lady Gaga. The only thing more pitiful than a person who compares themselves to Gaga is a person who compares themselves to Gaga but denies it.
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I was just stating an example. I would never compare myself to her, mostly because I don’t think meat dresses are the way to go.
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I couldn’t agree more. Meat dresses are so passé. Now a nice meat pantsuit…
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