The Ultimate Résumé

Getting a job is hard these days. Everyone seems to be on the hunt for employment and that means that to get your dream job (Space Cowboy/ Unicorn Trainer), you will be up against some pretty stiff competition.

With this much competition, one must have a resume that sticks out and gets them that interview that they so desperately need. Fortunately for you, I have created the ultimate résumé. You are guaranteed* to get a job with this:


*You are not really guaranteed anything. Actually, using this resume will pretty much guarantee that you do NOT get the job.


29 thoughts on “The Ultimate Résumé

  1. Genius Nathan! I think it would get you a great creative writing job! Does that sound cheesy? Not as cheesy as that resume! Okay, I can’t think of anything cute to say tonight. Sorry. Nice post.


  2. Wait, that’s not a good resume to pass off as my own? Darn, I really should read the fine print on these things before I send off fifty copies to every advertised position in the city… 🙂


  3. Should we change the part that says “Your Name Here” … and if so, do I put my name, or YOUR name…. or the interviewer’s name? Should I spray the resume with perfume, before turning it in? If I have to electronically submit the resume, should I spray perfume on the monitor or the tower? So many choices…


  4. Now I get it. I guess many of the people who work around me got their jobs because they followed your excellent résumé as example…, or nah, I believe they even plagiarized it.


  5. This is hilarious!! I would love to see a resume like this come across my desk!!
    Can I borrow it and send it out just for poohs and giggles? 🙂


  6. Pingback: The Horror…University is OVER…WHAT NEXT? « Youth Re-ignited

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