Dear Everyone Who Has Ever Read My Blog,
Late last night, I received a comment from The Hobbler. Normally, I would be very excited for this. She is usually very nice and pleasant. Last night was a bit different.
To paraphrase, the comment read like this:
You are a terrible commenter. You suck a lot, you great big loser. The world hates you. If I were you, I would probably just give up and volunteer my brain to science. You clearly aren’t using it now.
Now, this was surprising. I, admittedly, had neglected my comment responding. After working three jobs throughout the week and dreaming up one mildly amusing and hopefully not completely terrible blog post a day, I did not have much energy to respond to comments. No one could possibly hold me responsible for this.
Of course, I was the only who thought this.
Just mere hours later, my post was filled with comments. My Twitter account was attacked by people threatening to beat me up. I was as popular as a Hitler mustache at a Bar Mitzvah.
The Hobbler had sent her minions after me.
Dozens of tweets later, I had become the villain of the universe. It was all The Hobbler’s fault.
That is why today I want to make it official. The Hobbler is my arch nemesis.
She is the Joker to my Batman. The Clubber Lang to my Rocky. The Cruella Deville to my obscenely large group of spotted dogs.
I will do whatever it takes to destroy her. With you all as my witness, I will stop her if it is the last thing I ever do.
Or I might get busy and forget I just declared war on her. One of the two will definitely happen though.
Until the next time I declare war on someone,