The Beatles 2.0: Paul McCartney’s Son Tries to Kill Music

Photograph of The Beatles as they arrive in Ne...

Photograph of The Beatles as they arrive in New York City in 1964 Français : Photographie de The Beatles, lors de leur arrivée à New York City en 1964 Italiano: Fotografia dei Beatles al loro arrivo a New York City nel 1964 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As an audiophile a gigantic music nerd, there are few rules I feel that the music world should follow. No band should use an electronic instrument if they can use a real instrument to make that same sound. No matter what anyone says, bands like Coldplay are not brilliant musically unless you consider trying to sound like Radiohead groundbreaking. If you do, than these bands are breathtaking.

Most importantly, though, all musicians should never, under any circumstances, cover a Beatles’ song. It does not matter what the situation is. With a gun to their head, if their entire family is being held hostage, even if they are offered fame and fortune for singing a single bar of “Blackbird,” that musician should run away, screaming.

It’s not that the songs that “Eleanor Rigby” or “Paperback Writer” are perfect songs. All Beatles songs have their flaws. For instance, there are quite a few lyrics later on that make no sense unless you happen to have ingested a large amount of acid. Even then, I highly doubt you could tell me who the eggman is, why we are all the eggmen, and what in the world a walrus has to do with all of that.

No, these songs are far from perfect. There are a great number of issues, but when other musicians cover these songs, you have people like Kylie Minogue and Bing Crosby taking these issues and creating something that is so unpleasant, it would cause every Beatle to shudder. Well, all of them except Ringo. He seems like he would be up for anything.

While the covering of a Beatles song is nearly always a bad idea (There could be an exception. I just haven’t ever found it.), it is not the worst idea for a musician ever. There is an idea far worse than covering a Beatles song. In fact, it might be one of the worst ideas of all time.

It’s hard to find a worse idea than trying to form the new Beatles.

In an interview with the BBC, James McCartney was talking about the only thing of interest to anyone: his latest EP, “Close at Hand.”

Of course I’m kidding. He was talking about his dad, Paul McCartney. Paul was the writer of such great songs as “Hey Jude” and “Lady Madonna” as well as such irritating songs as “Yellow Submarine.” Why he thought we all lived in a submarine is beyond me.

During this interview, James said that, not only would he be up for forming a band with the sons of the other members of the Beatles, but that he had actually discussed it with the other three.

This is not just a bad idea. A bad idea is drinking that milk that smelled a little bit funny, but you figured was okay because it was only expired by a few days. A bad idea is removing the seatbelts from your car because you think that safety devices “are for sissies.” A bad idea is agreeing to be in a competition called “the Hunger Games” without first checking to see what the competition entails. (It’s murder, by the way.)

This idea is so far beyond those ideas. Essentially, James has said “Hey, I know I’m not ever going to do anything major in my life. Let’s be honest, I have no shot at achieving the level of success that my father reached. I am perfectly okay with that. I will just grab a few other people and try my best to hang on to my dear dad’s coattails until he finally shakes me off.”

Fortunately, Zak Starkey, son of the least talented Beatle Ringo, has refused to go along with the idea. If Zak turned down an invitation to join the Who fulltime, he certainly is not going to join a group of Beatles impersonators who just happen to share genes with the actual Beatles. He has saved us from what is sure to be a musical fate worse than death.

I should send a list of my musical rules to James McCartney. If he thinks this kind of thing is okay, who is to say that we won’t see him trying to incorporate more techno instrumentation (rule #36) or dressing up Lady Gaga style (rule #18). He should be stopped now for the sake of the musical universe.

If he can’t be stopped, at least don’t let him sing any of Sgt. Pepper’s. I don’t think I would be able to handle that, at least not without weeping.

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10 thoughts on “The Beatles 2.0: Paul McCartney’s Son Tries to Kill Music

  1. .
    au·di·o·phile  (ôd–fl)
    n.
    A person having an ardent interest in Audie Murphey.
    America’s Most Decorated World War II Combat Soldier and Famous Hollywood Movie Star

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  2. Thank you so much for adding my link! I’m writing about the Beatles all month long for the A to Z blog challenge. I’m going to do a separate post tonight about this bonehead idea of James’.

    Love your post! I’m a huge Beatles fan, so I’m in favor of things being left untouched.

    Lindsey

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  3. Pingback: E is for Eleanor Rigby | Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde

  4. Pingback: F is for Fab Four/For No One | Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde

  5. Pingback: K is for Kansas City/Hey, Hey, Hey | Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde

  6. The Eggman was Eric Burden of The Animals who, apparently, used an egg in some sort of pseudo-sexual manner on a woman in front of a room full of people. Among those people was John Lennon, who reportedly egged him on (pun intended,) by shouting “yeah, Eggman!! Go, Eggman!!”

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