Breaking News: Newt Gingrich Renews Lease, Drops Out of Presidential Race

Former Speaker of the House at CPAC in .

Former Speaker of the House at CPAC in . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After a tumultuous campaign full of twists and turns, Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich has officially dropped out of the presidential race. He posted the following letter on his website, Newt.org, early this morning:

 

Friends, Family, and Supporters across this great land,

The last few months have been a dream come true for me. Throughout my political career, I have dreamed of a chance to become the leader of this great country of ours. I have met great Americans, from the trolley operators inSan Francisco to the Clammers in upstate Maine. I have traveled far and wide and, while my campaign has not always run smoothly, have shown many of you whatAmericacould be if we put our minds to it.

That is why I come to you with a heavy heart today as I announce I will be dropping out of the race for president.

This is not a rash decision. I have spent many sleepless nights wondering whether I would be sleeping in the White House this time next year or whether I should renew the lease on my condo inMcLean,Virginia. The lease was about to run out, but there was no reason to keep paying for it if I was living in the White House.

After a session of deep self-examination, I have come to realize that the White House itself was more of an incentive than being president. I have always wanted a rooftop garden and have long-since dreamed of sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom. Even though my political ambitions had begun to sink, I pressed on through the race hoping to have a chance to live in this majestic home.

Not that my condo is bad. I have covered parking and once a month, the office has an ice cream social mixer for all of the residents. I have even met my back-up wife there, just in case Callista, God forbid, falls ill. No,638 Cedarview Driveis a great place to live.

It is just no White House.

I want to thank everyone who has lent their support to me. Together, we have done our best to saveAmericaand turn it off of its current path and onto a more well-lit path that has fewer potholes and significantly fewer animal droppings. We may not have gotten it done today, but I know that we will continue to fight the power. We have to remember the immortal words of Chuck D. from Public Enemy:

“Got to give us what we want
Gotta give us what we need
Our freedom of speech is freedom or death
We got to fight the powers that be
Lemme hear you say
Fight the power”

Together, we can still save America.

 

Sincerely,

Newt Gingrich

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10 thoughts on “Breaking News: Newt Gingrich Renews Lease, Drops Out of Presidential Race

  1. The problem with crappy blogs doing April Fool’s Day jokes is that your content ALL YEAR is just as ridiculous. So it is hard to tell the PURPOSELY stupid them apart from the rest.

    Like

    • I’m not sure what this means. I don’t know if you are calling my blog crappy or if you are comparing and contrasting my blog to other blogs. Either way, “so it is hard to tell the purposely stupid them apart from the rest” does not make sense.

      Like

  2. This is disappointing,,,now that leaves the two top losers..on, man, I hate it when folks decide to vote the party rather than the man. You could have and would have beat O easily becasue he couldn’t match you knowledge of what America is all about.

    Like

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