The Return of Baseball

Félix Hernández (#34) of the Seattle Mariners ...

Félix Hernández (#34) of the Seattle Mariners pitches in a baseball game against the Oakland Athletics at Safeco Field in Seattle, Washington, USA. The Mariners would win the game 1-0, and Hernández would be credited with the win. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At 5:09 a.m., baseball season officially began. The Oakland Athletics, a team that is actually no more athletic than the average team, and the Seattle Mariners, a team that spends no more time at sea than the average team, kicked things off in Japan while everyone in America was slapping their snooze button and cursing the dawn of a new day. To celebrate the return of America’s 38th favorite pastime (Beating out “watching infomercials” but falling just short of “complaining about car insurance rates”), I have written a haiku that captures the essence of all that is baseball:

Crack of bat on ball

As man spits and scratches groin.

Nine bucks for pop? WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!


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