The Lies I Told

A couple of days ago, I mentioned that I been complimented on my lying abilities. They really are one of a kind. I’m such a good liar that I am sure you were questioning whether I really did write about that.

To celebrate my liar-status, I gave everyone six facts. Three of these facts were true and three were as true as my boast that I am the long lost son of Zsa Zsa Gabor and Prince William. That is not true. See how good I am at this?

It’s now time for me to give the answers. I know that you have, for the past two days, been unable to function, your mind constantly returning to these facts, pouring over all knowledge you have of me hoping for the correct answers.

For those of you who have not taken the time to figure it out, I’ll give you a chance now. Go read the previous post and take a guess at what is true.

 

 

 

 

Are we all caught up now?

Okay, good.

1. As a fifth grader, I invented a rabbit feeder for my pet rabbit. His name was Pete and he was very soft and very rabbit-like, meaning he pooped a lot.

This is, oddly enough, incredibly true.

One of our projects in class that year was to invent something. I identified a need, namely that I hated putting in the effort of opening a rabbit pen to feed my pet rabbit. I then cut up some Tupperware and built this device.

And yes, his name was Pete. He also did poop quite a bit.

2. I have a strange weakness for tater tots. I love them and can’t get enough. If they’re soggy, though, I will murder someone.

This is not true in anyway.

I hate tater tots. I don’t know why. I’ve never liked the French fry’s ugly stepbrother. Tater tots are unpleasant and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. A LIAR I SAY!

3. My first musical album ever purchased was New Kids’ On The Block’s “Face the Music.” The song “Dirty Dawg” was the soundtrack to my life when I was seven.

This fact comes directly from Wikipedia. I did not buy this album. I didn’t even know this album existed. The song “Dirty Dawg” has, as far as I know, never been played near me. I know nothing about the New Kids on the Block except that Mark Wahlberg’s brother was a member.

This was a huge, gigantic, all around lie.

4. I own a pair of cowboy boots, but never wear them outside of the house. They make me feel far too tall and I sound like a horse walking on pavement when I wear them.

I do, in fact, have a pair of cowboy boots. I have never ever worn them anywhere, though.

I put them on one day with the intention of wearing them. I suddenly understood why John Wayne walked the way he did- he was trying to keep from falling over. Boots are essentially the man’s version of high heels. They are unnecessarily dangerous footwear that will leave you lying in the middle of the street, slowly bleeding to death from a skinned knee.I own a pair of cowboy boots, but never wear them outside of the house. They make me feel far too tall and I sound like a horse walking on pavement when I wear them.

5. I spent a full hour yesterday playing a smartphone game where you control a doughnut that flies through the air wearing a cape. I am not proud of this.

I don’t want to answer this. It’s true. Leave me alone

6. My great great great uncle was the creator of an early version of a blender that was operated with a handcrank. This was not the world’s most practical invention.

I come from a family tree that includes Daniel Boone. That’s is about as important as my family tree gets. I am definitely not rolling in the handcrank blender dough. If I was, I would be financing a movie version of this post, as I’m sure it would become an instant classic.

If you guessed all three lies, congratulations. You are an excellent liar identifier. Everyone else, I got you.

Suckers.

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15 thoughts on “The Lies I Told

  1. I got two of them right, but the tatertot thing? How can anyone not love tatertots? With their golden color and crispy on the outside but soft…well, now that I think about it, the inner texture is kind of like chunky vomit…but I still like them. I do like French fries better, so we can still be blog friends right?

    Like

  2. I have a friend who is a direct descendant of Daniel Boone who had a native American mistress. She was from that line. She inherited all of her Indian jewelry, duplicated many of pieces and had a pretty successful business for a while. Maybe you are related!
    I have to admit to missing the fun on the original post!

    Like

  3. I don’t know what I find more disturbing: The possibility that you used to be a NKOTB fan or that you are such a pathetic liar. And who says that the above revelations aren’t filthy lies as well?!

    Like

  4. Mental image: Nathan is really Ted from How I Met Your Mother walking around in his cowboy boots in the house! Thanks, I needed to laugh today! (btw, how could you diss the tots?!)

    Like

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