I Sure Could Go For Some Bowling and a Decent Soup

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In my lifetime, I have been to dozens of bowling alleys. I have seen very nice bowling alleys (“Ooooo! Black lights!”). I have seen terrible bowling alleys (“Eww! Clogged toilets!”). I’ve seen bowling alleys that fall somewhere in between (“Black lights and clogged toilets! Huzzah!”).

No matter the status of the toilet situation, a bowling trip is nearly always the same. You go and rent your shoes, all the while thinking about how strange it is to rent footwear, before you head to your assigned lane. This lane is inevitably next to the group that has brought their own balls and shoes, meaning they are clearly more invested in the game than most of the people at $1 game night. While they average 278 per game, you get excited that you scored a 92.

I am not ashamed to admit I am not a good bowler. It would be very silly to be ashamed of that fact. I am the worst bowler in my group of friends. I am usually the worst bowler in the building. Not to overstate it, but I am the worst bowler in the world to attempt the idiotic feat of knocking over ten pins with a ridiculously heavy ball.

The worst. Ever.

Despite my lack of anything resembling bowling abilities, I do enjoy a good bowling night. There are very few things more fun than grabbing all of your buddies and heading to the lanes. Actually, there are a lot of things more fun and several dozen things that are equally as fun, but you see what I was getting at.

For the first time in many months, my friends and I were able to gather and partake in the sport of gentlemen. We placed our gently used and possibly athlete’s foot-infested shoes on and off we were on a magical bowling adventure.

Very quickly, I lost interest in the game. This is prone to happen when you are a terrible bowler. When you know that your next frame will be full of splits and gutter balls, you have very little to hold your attention. That’s when I glanced at the concession area.

There, on a sign, was the daily special. The special was that classic bowling alley food we can all remember devouring at children’s bowling birthday parties.

It was Broccoli and Cheese soup.

I have enough issues buying soup at a restaurant. It seems like a waste of money when I’m eating some chicken broth and vegetables. At a bowling alley, though, you seem to have stepped into a whole new world of bowling dining. Gone are the typical burgers and fries for a food you slurp with a spoon.

I had images of a burly, overweight man bowling a strike. That man turns to face his friends, all of them hollering that manly howl that men who look like lumberjacks seem to always let out. After a series of high fives and a gulp of cheap beer, he sits down and daintily blows on his soup to cool it off. After all, you wouldn’t want to bowl with a burnt tongue.

The next few minutes were spent watching the cashier. Fries were ordered. Burgers were ordered. Chicken tenders, sodas, nachos, all ordered. No one walked away with bowl in hand. It was like this soup was the Loch Ness Monster of foods.

Was this soup for the more dignified people who were reluctantly dragged to Olathe Lanes? It seemed that those people seemed to be very happy with their burgers, leaving drips of grease all over the table. No one was crumbling crackers into a bowl of Broccoli and Cheese.

I honestly don’t know what I bowled. I’m assuming it was bad, but I was a bit distracted by the sea of soup related thoughts flooding my mind. How can a bowling alley expect anyone to operate adequately when they provide such a distraction?

Next time, I might try the soup. Heck, I might look at the whole menu. Maybe they have crab cakes or Eggs Benedict. It seems like nothing is ruled out of this bowling menu.

Of course, in the end I will most likely avoid ordering anything. I don’t order food from a place that makes you wear other people’s shoes while you’re there. It may taste good, but there’s no way it’s good for you.

I should know. I’ve seen what it does to the toilets.

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13 thoughts on “I Sure Could Go For Some Bowling and a Decent Soup

  1. I went bowling last summer when my family went back to my hometown of Madison, WI. It was surreal thinking the last time I was there was on date in high school! Hahaha! It hadn’t changed much except for the computerized score boards which rocked!!

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  2. apparently bowling was really popular in the colonies before America was as great as it is today. I think I answered that incorrectly on an AP US history test. Why were they testing us about that?

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  3. Funny story! Why would a bowling alley aim high for culinary points? I mean they already score off the charts in the fashion department…

    As for bad bowlers… I once bowled a 7 (yes, 7) and beat my sister who bowled a 6. This was before bumper pads and dignity.

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  4. There’s a bowling alley in my town that’s “high end/trendy.” It’s got blacklights. But it’s also got a full bar and “gourmet pub food.” Well. Delicious, but expensive. And not a slab of cardboard with melty cheesy stuff on top of sloppy sauce like the pizza you’re supposed to get at an authentic bowling alley. Posers. PS: What did you bowl?

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    • I have heard of Bowling for Soup. I thought about titling my post “Bowling for Soup.” I didn’t.

      I may not be the worst bowler ever, but amongst people I know, I am terrible. Worst ever, though, may be a slight overstatement.

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  5. Pingback: Saturday Sharesday: The Life and Times of Nathan Badley « Rockin' the Purple!

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