Tim Tebow: God’s Favorite Football Player

English: Tim Tebow, a player on the Denver Bro...

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Growing up in Kansas City, I was taught three important lessons.

First, Kansas City barbecue is the best. Other places will try to say theirs is the best, but the sauce is watery, the meat is dry, and, worst of all, their portions are far too small. A portion of barbecue is meant to be roughly four pounds of juicy meat covered in a thick, molasses based sauce. Anything else might as well be dog food.

Secondly, Kansas City invented Jazz. Not the city itself, mind you. People inside the city invented Jazz.

Lastly, the Denver Broncos are a group of evil, godless, scoundrels who should be smote for the crimes they have perpetrated on the football field.

That’s why the current football season has been so darn unpleasant. After a mildly successful season in 2010, Kansas City has been forced to watch those evil Broncos succeed behind the arm of quarterback Tim Tebow.

While this is enough to annoy even the most casual football fan, there is a far greater annoyance. That is Tim Tebow himself.

For those among us who do not follow sports, care about sports or even know what sports are, Tim Tebow is the sports equivalent of the latest Katy Perry/ Lady Gaga/ Ke$ha/ Rihanna/ Britney Spears single: It was annoying the first few times you heard it, but now you are so tired of hearing about that song that you want to rip out your eardrums and run them over with a car just to escape the sound.

Before the season began, Tim Tebow was the most talked about back-up quarterback in the league. Than he started a couple games. And he won those games. He won them on amazing fourth quarter comebacks that, for lack of a better term, seemed miraculous.

Unfortunately, everyone else seemed to be lacking a better term as well.

Suddenly, everyone is talking about how Tim Tebow is winning because of his Christian beliefs. His trademark pose became an internet sensation as people all over the world “Tebowed” (a synonym for “annoyed people by squatting in front of them”). The world was so convinced that Tebow was a winner because he was drinking some Godtorade, that even he was forced to basically say, “Seriously, guys?”

Just when you thought it might die down, Tebow won a playoff game in overtime last night. That’s not the big news. The big news was his stats.

Tebow threw the ball for 316 yards. He averaged 31.6 yards per throw. Right now, everyone reading this should be looking at those numbers and thinking. Thinking very hard…

There is a famous verse in the Bible. It reads “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”  That verse is Tim Tebow’s favorite verse. It is…wait for it… John….3:16!

Now the same people who think that God really cares enough about the Denver Broncos to help Tim Tebow win game after game are convinced he manipulated the stats.

In fact, at the time of I wrote this, the most searched for thing on the internet was John 3:16. It seems like everyone is jumping on the Tebow bandwagon and none of it has to do with any talent he has. After all, if you’re going to root for a football player, you should choose one that has divine intervention.

Personally, I think Tim Tebow has made a terrible mistake. If God will change his stats to his favorite verse, maybe he should have chosen Psalms 147:17. Sure, the verse may not be as catchy (“He hurls down his hail like pebbles. Who can withstand his icy blast?”), but if he threw for 14,717 yards in a game, it probably wouldn’t have to go into overtime.

With Tebowism at an all-time high, millions are turning to prayer. Heck, even an occasional Chiefs’ fan will admit to praying because of Tebow.

After all, how can they expect to get through this whole Tebow fad without a little prayer?


21 thoughts on “Tim Tebow: God’s Favorite Football Player

  1. Hey, there! If only I were a football fan, I’d probably find this post very entertaining. Alas, I must stick to Mt. Dew and too stoned of a dude for my LOL. Thank GOD you wear many hats and can write various material.

    Hey, someone was added to the Ahhsome Community. Would you mind swinging by and welcoming her?

    Hope your Monday was great…assuming you are now watching Monday night football.

    Lake Forest, CA


  2. The whole Tebow thing fascinates me because he is an average quarterback and he WINS. And then… that freaking over time thing last night was insane. The announcers had just got done saying how the game could be won in a single possession and bang: Tebow does it again.

    I’m not sure if God, the bible, 3:16 or anything holy has anything to do with Tebow… but it is definitely interesting.


    • My issue is not with Tebow but with the people who have overspiritualized a FOOTBALL PLAYER. Do I think he is a great quarterback? No. Do I think that God is winning games on his behalf? No. I think the guy is just very clutch.


  3. I think that it’s great that Tebow has a religious commitment that he’s not afraid to talk about and show. I think he’s demonstrating that he should be in the NFL and has been putting up good numbers. I think that the “Tebow-ing” of the internet has been as entertaining and, thankfully, short-lived as “planking”. I think God has a sense of humor and is probably laughing a good, hardy chuckle over all this.

    At the same time, I am worried that, as a Christian, I will get painted with the same brush as all of these “316 = 31.6 = 3:16” Christians. These are the same people who can find the devil everywhere. I don’t believe that God cares who wins NFL games.

    Keep on, Tebow. The rest of them? Seriously?


  4. I hate to be the bearer of bad news — although in this case, I don’t! — but it looks like Timmy Tebow (and Tebowing, and Tebowisms, and so on) are here to stay.

    As a Bronco fan, I was hoping for one of two extremes: a victory over the Stallers, or a shutout loss. In the case of the latter, it would mean a change at QB for next season. I wholly support Tebow — but when I watch games with Brees, Brady, Rodgers, Stafford, etc. throwing the ball, honestly The Big Tebowski will never win a Superbowl.

    Still, I’m enjoying the ride while it lasts! TEBOWWWWWW!


    • I don’t care one way or the other if Tebow wins. Yes, I’m annoyed by the Broncos’ success, but I’m more annoyed by Tebow fans. I’m sure that if his skills were purely divine, his quarterback rating would be higher than 72.9. He is not the second coming or a great QB, he is a decent quarterback with a very strong faith.


    • YOU DON’T LIKE THE NFL! (gasps, horrified) That is more than okay, I guess, but only because you seem like a nice fellow. Don’t let it happen again, though, lest I be forced to publicly humiliate you as a football-hater. There’s no recovering from a humiliation like that.


  5. KC BBQ! Thank God I have family in Kansas City. I’ve been craving Arthur Bryant’s for about a month but with no mulah to go out and visit them. Torture.

    Anyway, I find the whole Tebow thing ridiculous. I like Tebow as person. I like Tebow as a player — he’s got heart, loves the game and never gives up. But as a quarterback — a true quarterback and all that entails — he’s rubbish. I’ll forgive some Denver fans for some of their excitement — I mean, come one, it is pretty cool — but there’s a line between showing excitement and being obnoxious, and they’ve crossed it. Fanaticism is bad, people.

    Since you’re interested in this, you might like an article I wrote for McOwlerson Magazine a few weeks ago. Says pretty much the same thing.



  6. I’m so tired of the Tebow thing… I guarantee if he were giving credit to Allah or Yahweh nobody would be so hot on him. Also, does nobody remember the Immaculate Reception? Hail Mary passes? This is not the first time religion has come into football. Touchdown Jesus? (Actually I think these days Jesus is just throwing up his arms in disgust at Notre Dame.)


  7. I also grew up in and around KC(K) and was told all of the same unquestionable truths… I don’t think it is anything unusual in US sports to see an athlete bow their head or do the sign of the cross or something of the like.


    • It is not anything unusual. That’s why this sort of weird fanaticism surround Tebow is weird. As far as I can remember, no one said God was helping Kurt Warner win. They just said Kurt Warner was good and a hard worker. It’s a bit bizarre.


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