Growing up in Kansas City, I was taught three important lessons.
First, Kansas City barbecue is the best. Other places will try to say theirs is the best, but the sauce is watery, the meat is dry, and, worst of all, their portions are far too small. A portion of barbecue is meant to be roughly four pounds of juicy meat covered in a thick, molasses based sauce. Anything else might as well be dog food.
Secondly, Kansas City invented Jazz. Not the city itself, mind you. People inside the city invented Jazz.
Lastly, the Denver Broncos are a group of evil, godless, scoundrels who should be smote for the crimes they have perpetrated on the football field.
That’s why the current football season has been so darn unpleasant. After a mildly successful season in 2010, Kansas City has been forced to watch those evil Broncos succeed behind the arm of quarterback Tim Tebow.
While this is enough to annoy even the most casual football fan, there is a far greater annoyance. That is Tim Tebow himself.
For those among us who do not follow sports, care about sports or even know what sports are, Tim Tebow is the sports equivalent of the latest Katy Perry/ Lady Gaga/ Ke$ha/ Rihanna/ Britney Spears single: It was annoying the first few times you heard it, but now you are so tired of hearing about that song that you want to rip out your eardrums and run them over with a car just to escape the sound.
Before the season began, Tim Tebow was the most talked about back-up quarterback in the league. Than he started a couple games. And he won those games. He won them on amazing fourth quarter comebacks that, for lack of a better term, seemed miraculous.
Unfortunately, everyone else seemed to be lacking a better term as well.
Suddenly, everyone is talking about how Tim Tebow is winning because of his Christian beliefs. His trademark pose became an internet sensation as people all over the world “Tebowed” (a synonym for “annoyed people by squatting in front of them”). The world was so convinced that Tebow was a winner because he was drinking some Godtorade, that even he was forced to basically say, “Seriously, guys?”
Just when you thought it might die down, Tebow won a playoff game in overtime last night. That’s not the big news. The big news was his stats.
Tebow threw the ball for 316 yards. He averaged 31.6 yards per throw. Right now, everyone reading this should be looking at those numbers and thinking. Thinking very hard…
There is a famous verse in the Bible. It reads “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” That verse is Tim Tebow’s favorite verse. It is…wait for it… John….3:16!
Now the same people who think that God really cares enough about the Denver Broncos to help Tim Tebow win game after game are convinced he manipulated the stats.
In fact, at the time of I wrote this, the most searched for thing on the internet was John 3:16. It seems like everyone is jumping on the Tebow bandwagon and none of it has to do with any talent he has. After all, if you’re going to root for a football player, you should choose one that has divine intervention.
Personally, I think Tim Tebow has made a terrible mistake. If God will change his stats to his favorite verse, maybe he should have chosen Psalms 147:17. Sure, the verse may not be as catchy (“He hurls down his hail like pebbles. Who can withstand his icy blast?”), but if he threw for 14,717 yards in a game, it probably wouldn’t have to go into overtime.
With Tebowism at an all-time high, millions are turning to prayer. Heck, even an occasional Chiefs’ fan will admit to praying because of Tebow.
After all, how can they expect to get through this whole Tebow fad without a little prayer?
- Tim Tebow Fans Go Crazy Over John 3:16 Coincidence (inquisitr.com)
- The Top Trend On Google Right Now Is Tim Tebow’s Favorite Bible Verse (businessinsider.com)
- Could Tim Tebow’s Faith Be a Reason Why the Denver Broncos Are Winning? (bleacherreport.com)
- John 3: 16: Tim Tebow’s Passing Yards Evoke Biblical Passage in Win (newsfeed.time.com)
- John 3: 16 Message Delivered by Tim Tebow Branch (onlineupdaters.wordpress.com)
- Tim Tebow: Credit John 3:16, John Elway and John Fox – Washington Post (blog) (washingtonpost.com)