People Found Out About My Blog and I Survived to Tell About It

The world is full of terrors.

There are countless bad things looming at any minute. Car crashes, robberies, super-giant alien robot attacks all just seconds away at any point in time. For me, these things are all terrifying (particularly the robot item) but there is a fate worse than death to me. I would gladly take 15,000 robot attacks before I faced off with this trepidation.

What if someone found out about my blog?

Now, of course I want people to find out about my blog. If I didn’t, I would bypass the internet entirely and buy a diary with one of those tiny golden locks on the front of it. I’m not exactly keeping it a secret that this blog exists. I would love for all of my family and friends to read my blog loyally and to enjoy every post and thank me for brightening their lives through my writing by buying me dinner at an expensive steakhouse.

Unfortunately, I know this is not a real possibility. I have, what researchers have deemed, a “really, really, really weird sense of humor.” Not everyone has that. Some people don’t see the humor in the fact that Jimmy Stewart had what he thought was the finger of a Yeti in his bureau drawer for a few years. (By the way, totally true story. Look it up. You’ll never watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” the same way again.) Some people would rather watch “Mike and Molly” for their chortles and guffaws.

My humor does not carry to these people well, so I know they won’t become loyal readers, they won’t buy expensive steak dinners, they won’t hire a marching band to play “Hail to the Chief” while a Dikembe Mutombo parades me around town on his shoulders. (Also the plan for my funeral.) They just simply won’t get it. Nothing wrong with that, but I don’t like explaining jokes and I really don’t like explaining jokes to people who aren’t going to think they’re funny.

Worse than having to explain everything I write on my blog, though, is having to explain I have a blog. This is the reaction that people who do not read items off the internet get when they hear that you have a blog.

“A blog???” they’ll say, crinkling their noses and getting that semi-constipated look some people have when confronting unexpected news. “YOU have a BLOG?”

Once you have firmly established that you do, in fact, have a blog, the next inevitable question pops out: “What do you write about?”

This question is particularly sticky for me. In the past four days, I have written about New Year’s, the Rose Parade, Yoga boogers, and a former televangelist’s reality TV antics. I don’t have a genre, per se. I’ll end up saying something vague, such as “life,” bringing on more questions.

While these are all very possible things, the biggest fear is one that most people have. The fear of criticism.

I know there are people in the world that are not huge fans of my blog. Recently, I had roughly 6,000 readers visit a post of mine. Out of those 6,000, roughly 300 clicked that they liked the post.*This is not an excellent batting average. I’m okay with this, though, because these are just internet people. Internet people are, as far as I’m concerned, imaginary. Unless I have specifically interacted with you, I don’t think you’re an actual real human being.

I am a huge fan of this arrangement. It means that I am able to discount the opinions of most internet people because they are about as real as rainbow-colored unicorn. I certainly don’t care about a rainbow-colored unicorn’s opinion, so why would I care about internet people’s?

Unfortunately, though, this bubble between real and fake people recently burst. I was sitting at work, minding my own business, when I hear my coworkers behind me.

“Google my name, now!” said one to the other.

Now, this is an alarming thing to hear. First off, it means they are very egocentric. I would never DREAM of asking someone to Google my name. I would shamefully hide at my computer and do it myself like a normal person.

The other alarming thing, though, is that I know what pops up when you Google my name. This blog pops up when you Google my name. If Googling was going on, eventually it would make its way to me and the judgment would begin.

Coworker 1 laughed. “I’m such a good mountain climber! Hahaha!” After laughing so hard he nearly choked himself, he had forgotten that someone who climbs mountains shares his name. He was ready to move on. “Try Nathan!”

I watched. Almost as if in slow motion, his fingers began typing, sending the sound of a keyboard through the air.

Click-Click-Click.

The front Google page disappeared. In its place, a page of results slowly appeared.

“You have a blog?!” they both said in almost perfect unison.

“Yep,” I replied. I was acting nonchalant, but I was waiting for the storm of questions.

“I’ve got to see this!” Coworker 2 said, opening my blog to a headline that, of course, had the word ‘booger’ in it.

I don’t know what they thought. The subject died down minutes later when the two would be distracted by something else. They have very short attention spans.

The day could be considered a triumph, though. Someone discovered my blog with me in the room and I did not throw up, pee my pants or cry. I did not attempt to destroy his computer nor did I cause some sort of distraction.

In fact, it really wasn’t that bad.

I’m sure that, in the future, I will be put in a situation like this again. I know, though, that I’ll be prepared.

It’s not like it’s a super-giant alien robot attack.

*This story is completely unrelated to what I was saying above. While I was typing “liked the post,” I accidentally typed “licked the post.” I guess that would be people who liked my post a lot more than those that just liked it? You may now return to the rest of the post…

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31 thoughts on “People Found Out About My Blog and I Survived to Tell About It

  1. Been there. Have gotten that look from people. “You have a blog!” I think it’s envy to tell u the truth scared to dip into the pool of craziness we call blogging! But I get over it and I have the last laugh! 🙂

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  2. It is strange when people in your real life read your blog. And tell you they did. Whether they liked it or not you’ve been exposed. While I’m here I’m going to check out the booger story…

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  3. Hmm, so first thing i googled my name. Phew, with a name like mine no problem.
    On the other hand, I let hubby proofread my posts, so it’s safe to assume they are suitable for the extended family too. Not like I care hahaha!
    The best reaction I got from my 86 year old grandmother, a former journalist. If you want to publish any of this (my dad had printed a few of my posts for her) on the internet, you should refine them a little first.
    See, I like myself some constructive criticism.

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  4. I love your blog — but I don’t always press “like.” I’ll do so in the future so that you know that someone out here does 🙂

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  5. It’s always better to not box yourself in with labels or genres. That way you are always free to write about parades and boogers and whatever else comes to mind without some know-it-all claiming, “That’s not relevant to this blog,” as if they are some sort of internet police. For the record, it’s that randomness that earned you this new, consistent reader.

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  6. Just so you know, your blog is one of my favorite blogs, and I think it’s completely normal to write about things like boogers. (I am a rainbow colored unicorn though, but our opinions count too!).

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  7. Hello … I do like your blog.We are real people out here though. You are very fortunate in achieving so many hits in such a short time so well done.It must be wonderful to get freshly pressed … unless you happen to be an orange of course. If 6000 people visit just one of your posts then the majority won’t press ‘like’ because people just aren’t like that. So well bloody done mate and keep it up.
    If you’ve a couple of minutes have a gander at my website at http://www.the1951club.org
    All the best
    Kris
    ( At the risk of sounding pushy please subscribe to my site as well)

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  8. lol.. 🙂 Made my morning! I think we all know how that feels- being outed as a blogger. It is rather frightful. Glad to hear it worked out-no peeing. And well deserved, I am sure I speak for all, including me, who now follow u: we like. And, I am pretty sure that if there really was a ‘lick’, I would..maybe that is more frightening…

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  9. Its true – that really is the most intimidating thing. My family knows about (read: knows, but chooses not to read) my blog, but occasionally bring it up in front of my friends. This leads to the awkward, “Oh, what’s it called, what’s it about, I’ll check it out – send me the link”… at which point I put on my best Deer-in-the-headlights stare, mutter something about ‘dog… mostly the dog… but sometimes… um… the dog…’, while trying desperately to think of the nicest way to say, “Um…the thing is, I know you, so… no. You can’t read my blog.”
    Also, I totally ‘lick’ your blog, and your sense of humor. But i’m actually just a sentient toaster, soooo… you know, take it with a grain of salt.

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  10. It seems that mainly a handful of my friends read my blog and that’s it! I should probably have kept it from them and seen what kind of following I could muster on my own in the big scary internet.

    In my part of the world people pronounce ‘like’ like ‘lick’ anyway… It’s terrible!

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  11. Dude, I honestly can’t keep up. But I have to admit, I am still really enjoying your posts. So far so good. I have to find the free days and go back and read all I missed. I HATE postadays (read here http://thelogofiles.wordpress.com/2011/07/14/overbloggers-anonymous-oba/)

    Yes, partially because most people can’t keep up (don’t worry, so far so good) but also because I have a life. A busy life and can not read all the blogs that I enjoy or try to find new ones…

    Oh well, I will keep trying to stay posted on the latest and greatest of your blog. And I know the fear of being found, but it’s nice to have so many visitors even if only a select few stick around. You don’t want them all to stick around, it would be way too much pressure. Survival of the fittest, you will see.

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    • Well, thanks for trying to keep up. You really don’t have to read them all. I won’t be offended, but it is very much appreciated. I’ll try to keep them fresh for you so you don’t want to poke your eyes out before the end of the year.

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  12. Invisible internet person here–found you in a comment on The Idiot Speaketh–now I can’t remember the lady’s name–was it Sandy?

    Amen, brother. Continue random acts of musings!

    Speaking of alien robots, have you seen “Attack the Block”?

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  13. I have this flagged as IMPORTANT in my gmail inbox.
    I can only assume I had a tremendously clever and insightful comment in mind.
    I don’t know what it is.

    Anyway I really like your blog.

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  14. Wow! You are one courageous man telling people you have a blog. I told that to someone once (that I have a blog, not you) and they looked at me like a blog was some kind of nasal polyp. The shame made me the raccoon I am today.

    Like

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