2012: A Look Ahead

I think we can all agree: 2011 sucked. It was a big stupid year full of big stupid things. All around, it was just stupid.

Finally, though, 2012 is just around the corner. Now, we can pretend that 2011 never happened and look forward to the Mayan apocalypse. (Note to Self: Mayan Apocalypse is a great name for a metal band.)

Since 2011 was the worst year since 1993 (the year that Crystal Pepsi was discontinued), I am going to ignore the trend that everyone else will be jumping on. Why would I want to review the previous year? No, I will look forward to 2012.

This is what my 2012 will look like:

January 1st: The official first day of 2012.

January 1st, 14 minutes after waking up: The first time I write 2011 instead of 2012.

January 7th: I will brag about how I haven’t broken one of my New Year’s resolutions.

January 8th: I will break all of my resolutions at one time, slip into a deep spiral of self-loathing, and vow to never, ever again make New Year’s resolutions.

January 13th: The first Winter Youth Olympics begin. I will celebrate by avoiding physical activities and forgetting that the Winter Youth Olympics are a thing.

February 14th: Valentine’s Day

February 15th: My wife and I realize we forgot about Valentine’s Day. We make up for it by eating at a casual dining chain.

March 20th: My relatives ask me what I want for my birthday. I can’t come up with anything under the price of $500, so I say nothing.

March 27th: My birthday. I receive all of my presents and vow to give everyone a list of what I actually do want next year.

April 3rd: I vow to write a book. I develop a plot outline, several intriguing characters and get to work on it.

April 4th: I forget about the whole book thing because writing is hard and Netflix just added the latest season of “Ace of Cakes.”

May 5th: To celebrate May Day, I write a blog post complaining about the stupidity of a holiday that involves a pole. Seriously, May? Try to find a better decoration.

May 20th: There will be a solar eclipse. This being 2012, the year that the world ends, everyone will panic pre-eclipse and run to the store to buy the necessities. Inevitably, this will be the day every AA battery in my house dies and I will be forced to change the channel on the TV by hand while the stores restock.

June 1st: I will finally be able to find batteries.

June 16th: I will crave some frozen yogurt. Hours later, I will wake up in my living room, surrounded by fro-yo containers. Realizing I can’t control myself around delicious, frozen treats, I will curl up into the fetal position and cry for a little bit before looking to see if I left any in the containers.

July 4th: I will eat too many hot dogs. They will be delicious.

July 15th: I will retry the whole book thing.

July 18th: My wife will ask, “Whatever happened to that book thing?” I will not remember what she is talking about.

July 27th: The summer Olympics start.

July 30th: I turn on the TV to watch the track and field, only to find the Pre-Post-Preliminary round of rhythmic gymnastics.

July 31st– August 11th: Still watching rhythmic gymnastics.

August 12th: At the closing ceremonies, the London Olympic officials realize they forgot to have any event besides the rhythmic gymnastics. They quickly hand out medals for the other events based on “how dope the warm-up jackets are.”

August 27th: My wife and I realize we missed our anniversary sometime in June or July. We go out to a casual dining chain to celebrate.

September 27th: My wife’s birthday. I get a present that is so good, it will alter the fabric of time. In hundreds of years, this will be known as gift day in celebration of my gift-giving prowess.

October 15th: My wife will begin to try to talk me into attending a Halloween party. Since I hate wearing costumes, I will say no.

October 18th: My wife will try to talk me into attending a Halloween party. I will say no again.

October 23rd: My wife will try to talk me into attending a Halloween party. Not listening to what she is saying, I will accidentally agree.

October 31st: I will be “sick.”

November 13th: A total solar eclipse. Since it is still 2012, the stores will, once again, run out of canned goods, bottled water, and, of course, AA batteries. Also, there is a fair chance some cult will do something crazy.

November 28th: I will finally learn to tie my shoes on my own. My wife and I will celebrate by going to a casual dining chain.

December 1st: The media begins convincing me that the only Christmas gift I need is _______________. I will initially resist, but in the end admit that it is “pretty cool, I guess.”

December 21st: According to Mayan prophecies, this will be the end of the world. Stores sell out of batteries again. I use this as an excuse to not buy anyone Christmas presents. “Why would you need that if the world ends?” I will constantly be saying.

December 22nd: After seeing that the world did not end, I begin shopping for presents.

December 27th: I make another stupid list about 2013. Spoiler alert: It’s, most likely, the exact same list.

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675 thoughts on “2012: A Look Ahead

  1. If I could “like” this post 100 times, I would. Awesome!

    My New Year’s resolution is to publish my book this year, so perhaps you and I can check in with one another … on or about July 15th?

    Adios big stupid year 2011. Bring the big awesome 2012. So what if we all die, right?

    😉

    Like

    • I will be honest with you when I say 100 likes is significantly too many likes. I probably wouldn’t give it 2, but that’s just me.

      Let me know how your book comes along. I would very much like to see how it goes for you.

      Like

      • Well gotta say i am honestly hating u right now. Isn’t this your 2nd Freshly Pressed. Wow. Good post. Gotta love u …but i did say i hate u rgt? hehehe. And see u got way more than 2 likes and wayyy more than 100 so it ain’t that bad but humility is good 🙂 Oh I’ll join you guys on the book thing. In fact, I started my novel yesterday. Needless to say I can’t get the ideas out of my head properly so I stopped and started working on a kiddies short story. lets see how that goes. Wow this is starting to sound like a post. Congrats dude. U rock.

        Like

    • yeah, 2011 was so foolish and it sucks, realy waiting for 2012, im just scared that my girlfriend maybe too scared that the world will end and dumb me, haha, well, I’m too sure that the world will not end in 2012. i don’t make new year resolutions because I don’t keep them. my life goes on. check me out @http://lovemeadvise.blogspot.com

      Like

  2. What a crazy year it will be! You forgot to mention that Mayan Apocalypse will become the best-selling new metal band and, in turn, you’ll be pissed. At least you’ll still have the gift-day thing…

    Like

  3. I enjoy that you are slightly insane and extremely in love with your life. Go Marriage! Good for you!
    Hope we all won’t die in 2012 because I still haven’t seen “Gigli” and I don’t plan on that happening any time soon.

    Like

    • Great post. My kind of humor.
      “January 7th: I will brag about how I haven’t broken one of my New Year’s resolutions.

      January 8th: I will break all of my resolutions at one time, slip into a deep spiral of self-loathing, and vow to never, ever again make New Year’s resolutions.”
      ditto.

      (Also, Gigli is arguably one of the worst movies of all time. It couldn’t decide if it was a comedy, a buddy picture, an action flick, a romantic comedy, or a lifetime-esque tearjerker, so it endeavors to do all at once. All the while trying to sell the premise that lesbians will convert to heterosexuality once they find the right man. J-Lo probably did what she could with the lines, but there’s nothing there.)

      Like

  4. I really like this post – I keep dragging my feet about posting for New Years and my resoluttions. I suppose that’s a sign of what is to come from me – dragging my feet. That and reading your blog more.

    Like

    • If reading my blog is a resolution for you, I think you need some better resolutions. Either that, or your life is perfect and you don’t need to make any real changes. If that is the case, congratulations.

      Like

  5. Found you through Freshly Pressed–congrats! Well-deserved.

    You may want to stock up on double A batteries to beat the tri-fecta rush in 2012… 😉

    I just subscribed. Love reading your kind of humor!

    Like

  6. 2011 Residual
    The only thing I’d like to remember about 2011 is names of those two who borrowed money from me and never showed their face again. Hope to find them in 2012 with their memory intact about the borrowed dough.

    2012 Objective
    “… October 18th: My wife will try to talk me into attending a Halloween party. I will say no again. …” – badlandsbadley
    Learn that art of saying “NO” to the master of Home. Once I achieve that I’ll go for “No again”.

    Like

  7. Except for gift day (my gifts really stink, mostly because my thoughts on gift-giving stink) I suspect my year will go a lot like yours. I do plan on drinking more and thinking less, no, wait…. I meant thinking more and drinking less. Oh, crap, I can’t remember as I seem to have started early…

    Like

  8. Great post! Probably more reliable predictions than the Mayans made.

    I saw a hilarious joke about the apocalypse yesterday:
    Two Mayan men are standing by the Temple.
    Mayan # 1 is chiseling dates onto the Mayan Calendar while Mayan # 2 is building a fire.
    Mayan # 1 laughs and says, “Look, I ran out of room on December 21st 2012 – That’s REALLY gonna freak someone out one day!”

    Like

  9. Pingback: 2012: A Look Ahead « The Life and Times of Nathan Badley… « Ed Parnell's Cunning Plan

  10. Hilarious! I have to agree that my 2011 sucked pretty badly too, but what can you do. We’ll shrug it off and greet the coming year, hoping for something better. : )

    Like

  11. Never Left Alone

    Another year passes, Lord
    in my walk with You;

    Another month in the year
    that You have seen me through.

    Another week in the month,
    and never left alone;

    Another day in the week,
    one day less from home;

    Another hour in the day
    to walk within Your light;

    Another minute in the hour
    to feel Your loving might.

    A minute doesn’t pass, my Lord
    that You’re not by my side,

    To love and comfort give me,
    to strengthen and to guide,

    Constance V. Walden
    http://7thandvine.wordpress.com/

    Like

  12. ‘“Why would you need that if the world ends?” I will constantly be saying.’

    You’re hilarious, I love your writing style! And soo much is too on point, although I damn well hope 2012 beats 2011 even if the world does end ha

    Like

  13. I agree, let’s look forward. Thanks for the reminder about buying batters. My resolution is to buy batteries before the end of the world — because it might be dark.

    Like

  14. I think we all need a little man with a cattle prod to keep us in the straight and narrow re resolutions. On the other hand it may make no difference. Mine is to lose 30 kilos next year so who knows. There is a book to read too, the last Dan Brown that has been feeling lonely since buying it when the book came out. Needless to say I know how you feel.

    Like

  15. Funny! I do agree 2011 sucked…this far it isn’t over yet and.something can still happen to make it awesome (positive thinking right there, trying to make it my thing). But good to see that u have a plan for next year incase it doesn’t happen 🙂

    Like

  16. My 2011 wasnt nearly as bad as yours is implying. I made a boat load of money, started a couple businesses, maintained what I did have, and have a great outlook on 2012.

    Hopefully 2012 doesnt suck as bad for you

    Like

  17. And now, I shall follow the funny posts of Nathan Badley! Thanks for the read – although my 2011 didn’t suck, I will say reading about what is to come in 2012 causes me to shake my head and ponder…..oh, and I need to get some batteries – STAT!

    Like

  18. My boyfriend and I are going to go out and eat at a casual dining chain because we read your blog and realized we too forgot our 1.5 year anniversary.
    Love your Blog, you should get back to work on that book….

    Like

    • I’m glad I could remind you of your anniversary and, in turn, save your relationship from certain doom. You may thank me by naming one of your future children after me or, at least, a hamster or something.

      Like

  19. Well if the world does end in December you could always prepare with some end of the world insurance. That way no matter what you get your 2013 list done, while everyone else is worried about survival. Apparently it covers zombie attacks and end of the world related health and property damages. It was under ten bucks at http://www.doomsdaycoverage.com . I still can’t figure out if these guys are joking or serious, but from what I can see they have a pretty big following. In that respect, it may just be the end of the world.

    Like

      • It says can you translate this in our language. Your response is interpreted as – “yes I will”. Don’t ask me how, probably the same way you interpreted the second non-english comment down below. A huge section of reader is awaiting translated version.
        Rarely I come across a post where comment response is equally interesting and entertaining as the post itself. There is a reason why “badlandsbadley” is FPd second time.

        Like

  20. I agree…2011 was stupid although it had a couple of charming spots. Bring on 2012! We all need a bit of “world coming to an end” excitement.

    Like

  21. Ha. This is excellent. Don’t forget on 12/12/12 the whole apocalypse thing happen again. That or on 1/2/12. That’s pretty cool too. Oooor, 21/11/12 …oh, dang, that only makes sense on a European scale, doesn’t it? I don’t know. Oh well.

    Like

    • Thank you very much. Sadly, I have already had the Versatile Blogger Award. I appreciate it very much, though. I am very happy and smile is decorating my face, though it isn’t as much cute as it is awkward and tense.

      Like

  22. Man, I can relate to this to an extent. I’ve always sort of dreamed of writing a book with deep characters and descriptive scenery the only problem was that my writing has always been straight forward. By the 10th page i feel like I’ve finished it!! anyways this post was great, a fun read

    Like

  23. Neways… Please dont believe this apocalypse..!! its just a gag they trying to pull upon all humans..!!

    Seriously we all going to live much more, Grow up, obtain the position we are destined to like : Brother, Sister, Father Mother, Grand- Father and mother and then evaporate from the world. So Live in peace and let life drive you where it wants to.. just face it.! 😀

    Like

  24. I’m hoping that 2012 is a great year, 2011 I agree wasn’t the greatest year of my life, however I did mange to release my debut novel and have it peak at #2 on the Australian book charts which was nice. If you’re into travel philosophy, or novels similar to The Alchemist check out my website…. Email me if you would like a free copy, maybe we can all kick start 2012 a little happier!

    What book is your wife asking about??

    Like

    • That goes without saying. The last thing you want to be without at the end of the world is milk. Without it, you have to eat your Special K dry. That is not how God intended that cereal to be eaten.

      Like

  25. My 2011 was pretty good; sorry about yours. Sorry about your 2012 too. Remind me what we’re going to do with the AA batteries after the world ends. Tip: Ask everyone for a $25 gift certificate to your favorite casual dining establishment. 😉

    Like

    • AA batteries are very important for flashlights and Gameboys and, since the Apocalypse will cause havoc in the music industry, Walkmen so we can listen to our favorite band on cassette.

      I would like a $25 gift certificate to any restaurant now, please.

      Like

  26. This post was so funny! I wish you luck in everything, even avoiding the Halloween party (although I love dressing up). I have to say that 2011 has been a net win of a year for me, as I got engaged, but since 2012 is the wedding, I am with you in believing this new year will be better than the last.

    Like

    • It might be once the wedding is over. I was ready to lie down in traffic towards the end of my wedding planning.

      “What do you think about these flowers?”

      What I thought is that we should skip flowers and elope.

      Like

    • That is absolutely not true one bit. I don’t mean to call you a liar, but I’m pretty sure this is lucky to be in the top 500 posts of the year. I wouldn’t even say it’s my best post of the year.

      That said, I am very glad you enjoyed it. Have an amazing 2012 and I hope to see you back here.

      Like

  27. The funniest “Looking toward 2012 post” I’ve read so far. Also, the first. I hope your new year turns out at least as good as you’ve predicted, and that the world does not, in fact, end. Like you, I would rather not look back on 2011 and just count it as a “lost year.” Like most of college.

    Like

  28. Ohhhhhhhssssssssooommmeeee post! I was reading this out to my mum… brilliant! And yes, 2011… die you evil son-of-a-b**** DIE!
    Can’t believe everyone feels the same way! LOL

    Like

  29. Having already written a book that I’m currently trying to get published, I must admit that the part I could truly relate to was the Halloween conundrum, with me in the same position as your wife.

    Maybe the two of us should do Halloween instead.

    Like

    • You’re more than welcome to party with her. Less costuming for me.

      Let me know how your book publishing goes. I would love to hear about it. (I know sarcasm doesn’t go through the internet well, but just for the record, that WAS NOT sarcastic. I do really actually want to hear about your book publishing sagas.

      Like

  30. Nathan, your blog is hilarious. I say this only in jest, but I find it a little odd and downright disturbing that you don’t mention the fact that, in America, we have a presidential election in 2012. It also seems to have slipped the minds of everyone commenting here. Is it possible that talking about a Mayan apocalypse is more important to people? Maybe it seems more real to them. That’s the way we get such phenomena as Sarah Palin. Is she part of the Mayan apocalypse? That’s possible.

    Like

    • I would disagree with you on this. I don’t feel like this is why people like Sarah Palin become a phenomenon. I think that has more to do with the media making them a phenomenon. Fox News or, on the other side of things, MSNBC have the people they think are terrific and want to push them every second they get. The people who consume those respected mediums buy into it hook line and sinker without looking into the politics of the person they are supporting. It happened with Palin and, to some extent, happened with Obama. I’m sure it will happen again in 2012 with several candidates. Thus far, we’ve seen people buy into a racist (Rick Perry), a repeat philanderer (Newt Gingrich), a pure nut job (Michelle Bachman) and a man spouts catch phrases left and right, has been accused of sexual harassment multiple times, and has a tax plan straight out of a video game (Herman Cain).

      With that said, I will vote. Everyone should vote. I do not see anyone I WANT to vote for, but I will end up choosing the lesser of two evils. There is no excitement from me for this because, quite frankly, I am incredibly cynical and disenchanted with our governmental system and the people running have done nothing to combat this.

      Anyway, everyone go vote.

      I will now place my soapbox away and save it for some other time.

      Like

  31. Pingback: 2012: A Look Ahead | slopestreetcats.com

  32. Come on now, 2011 wasn’t that bad…I started a blog right? I also broke my hip, had a really bad haircut, and realized I’m not as funny as I always thought I was, but at least we can blog about the bad stuff right?

    Like

  33. Very well said. We often keep ourselves happy with all the promises that we want to keep, but at the end we always seem to have enough time to re-think.
    We do not know if we would be able to wake up or not next day, still we set the alarm to wake up in the morning.

    Like

  34. I’ve broken all my New Years resolutions and it’s not even New Year yet! DAMN!! I did find some batteries in the man-draw but they seem to be leaking fluid….(not to self – buy spare batteries) of course it does cross my mind why I’ll need batteries if the world is going to end – will it be dark?

    Enjoyed the post…

    Adair

    Like

    • Since it’s still December, you can totally restart. It’s like a resolution mulligan.

      I don’t know why you would need batteries, but it seems like that is the first thing that sells out every time there is a threat of danger.

      Like

  35. Im very new to this blogging thing, but stumbled upon yours and found it very entertaining. Wish i had the wit you seem to have 🙂 Hope you enjoy your New Year :p

    Like

  36. I would feel terribly left out if I didn’t comment right along with the other 307 people hoping to be ‘seen’ be commenting on a Freshly Pressed Blog. 🙂

    I did love the comment: “I really loved reading your blog”… and your reply “I really loved reading your comment”… now THAT made me laugh.

    Like

  37. Pingback: Zeitgeist: What 2011 Was Like With Twitter | Ash Chetri

  38. Boy, you got me with “2011 sucked” comment. What was up with this year? If it hadn’t been my baby boy’s first full year of life, I think I could have skipped it all together!
    I also liked your on-again-off-again affair with book writing. Always a little less soul crushing to know others are struggling with you on accomplishing the same life goal.

    Like

    • Um, its called Crystal. It tastes just like a bad cola, but it was CLEAR. I repeat- CLEAR! People would think your just drinking water when, in reality, you were enjoying a nice glass of Pepsi. It’s what James Bond would drink.

      Like

  39. It’s great that you can see into your days in 2012. Did you ever consider the fact that you might be a descendant from a member of the Mayan race that predicted this end of the world thing?

    And yes, 2011 was bad. Very bad.

    Like

  40. April 3rd: I vow to write a book. I develop a plot outline, several intriguing characters and get to work on it.

    April 4th: I forget about the whole book thing because writing is hard and Netflix just added the latest season of “Ace of Cakes.”

    March 20th: My relatives ask me what I want for my birthday. I can’t come up with anything under the price of $500, so I say nothing.

    Quoted for truth (and awesomeness)

    K xoxo

    Like

  41. ‘Course, you realise don’t you, that if your September 27th prediction (or lookback, depending which part of the time space continuum you’re currently in) doesn’t come true exactly as you say it will/did (though if it did, then we’re in a different space time continuum altogether. Er, is there a space continuum? And if there is, does it always have two ‘u’s?) then on 1st January 2013 your wife will write her own list that will alter the fabric of time. And possibly space.

    On the basis of this and another post, I’ve subscribed. Now all I’ve got to do is remember to read it. 🙂

    Like

    • That is very true.

      On a sad note, I read the first line and had to think way too hard to remember my September 27th predicition. Hopefully my wife won’t read this comment or I am in so much trouble.

      Like

  42. On one side, I’m jealous of your extra long exposure here on FP…but on the other, I’ve received about 60 or 70 extra views on my page over the past couple of days thanks to your little promo above. So basically I’m saying thanks and…you suck.

    Like

  43. It’s through humor that we survive crazy stuff that happened in 2011 and for some ridiculous fate 2012 will boil its own amazing antics, humor and optimism definitely will make its flow like a breeze….crossing my fingers. happy New Year…

    Like

  44. Pingback: The Year in Rearview and Words of Hope From Gary Snyder | The First Gates

  45. Frankly I strongly disagree. 2011 is/was a difficult year for sure but I think it has triggered change for the better e.g. Arab Spring. The good thing is although ‘everything’ seems dire at least we know what is going on and we are trying to plan e.g. Economy. Unlike 2007/8 when we (US) had our head in the sand or worse we really didn’t know what was going on as per economy. Yes roll on 2012 but lets include the wisdom from 11.

    Like

  46. this is hilarious! i love it. and to be honest, my year may follow a very similar agenda. except i’ll remember valentines day because all my “coupled” friends will call me and tell me they love me out of pity. then for a week i’ll hope the mayan apocolypse will really happen. and as may approaches i’ll take a vacation to the caribbean, hook up some some foreign hottie, and cross my fingers that the mayan apololypse won’t happen. 🙂 http://www.icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com

    Like

  47. 2011 was 2008 dressed up and snuck back into the party.
    Tricked everyone into thinking things were “improving”.
    Prepare for the worst in 2012 and hope for the best.
    1love to everyone worldwide 🙂

    Like

  48. Thank you for the laughter; I so love the sarcasm, sarcasm being my first language. 2011 was indeed pretty high on my list of things that are stupid and that sucked. Although I have at the current time no indication whatsoever that 2012 will be less annoying, I am willing to give it a whirl.

    Like

  49. yea, I agree with the Batteries selling out thing going down, I can see that happening, i’ll be sitting on my front porch watching everyone freak out over nothing, drinking some Jack Daniels.

    Like

    • It’s inevitable. I do expect it to be like a miniature Y2K scenario. Then I expect to see people listing a lot of things on Craigslist on the 22nd when they realize the world didn’t end and they have 1200 cans of baked beans they will never get through.

      Like

  50. Real good stuff. And lemme tell you, it took me so long and so much determination to scroll down the whole page in order to comment, just because of so many never ending already existing comments. 😛

    Like

  51. Very entertaining outlook on the year ahead. 🙂

    2011 did suck in a lot of ways. There was some good, but so much that wasn’t. This was also the year I decided to really dive into learning about global warming. There really is plenty of evidence that it is anthropomorphically induced. And it’s scary to see just how fast the glaciers are melting. 2012 may be better, but the people living in 2052 are going to be miserable. http://wp.me/p20Hvo-3q

    Like

    • Ladies and gentleman… give it up for Al Gore!

      Thanks for reading, though I do feel that this is an interesting place to teach about global warming. Important lesson? Yes. Important on a humor blog? Well…

      Like

  52. I love this!! I wanted to write about my year myself but it will sound way to similar to this especially the book idea. After reading this and the comments I’m relieved 2011 didn’t just suck for me.

    Like

  53. Just so everybody knows, 2012 is fake!! The world is not ending!! The MOVIE 2012 was based on some person’s imagination!! NOT REAL!! For the love of god 2012 was not even a movie I enjoyed. In 2013 I’ll be laughing while some of you will be saying, ” What the heck?! I thought the world was ending!”
    MOA OUT!

    Like

    • Just to clarify, I think Moaman is saying the 2012 DOOMSDAY theories are fake, not the entire year of 2012. 2012 (the year) is decidedly real. He also hates the movie 2012 and, judging by his tone, probably is upset with John Cusack for starring in it and with Roland Emmerich for directing it. Then he went out.

      I think that about covers the events that happened here, so you may continue on knowing exactly what this person was trying to communicate.

      Like

  54. I loved your post. I am not big on resolutions, but am big on lists. Lists are more tangible, resolutions are big and scary. Resolutions mean big changes, lists means little changes. Resolutions can be broken, lists can be forgotten (ask any husband who has a honey-to-do list). Resolutions seen so unattainable, lists can be two things and attainable.

    Like

  55. Funny post! I’m also writing a book, and hope to be done by March; we’ll see. Good luck with yours!

    Perhaps those who believe in the end of the world think it’ll be like the movie “Defending Your Life” (it’s a must-see if you haven’t yet), only instead of being judged for our fears, we’ll be judged for our batteries.

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  56. SO>>>…..Stupid, huh? Do you have any idea how many people passed away this year? Who’s going to kick the can this year? There’s other things of interest besides our own miserable, boring lives. Why don’t you stand on your head and watch the world upside down? Better yet, spit in your shoe and take a walk…get some excercise….why not?

    Like

    • Um… are you arguing that 2011 wasn’t stupid because people died? If so, that seems to be argument against 2011 and every year in the past and future. Most people view death as unpleasant and would view the year that they lost loved ones as fairly sucky.

      I realize my life may not be exciting to you, but it would be weird if I wrote about someone else’s life. They might view it as a bit creepy and invasive. Since this is a humorous blog and not a deathly serious blog, I have chose to write about the monotonous happenings in my own life hoping others can find humor in them and not take life so seriously that they adopt a tone sounding like they are ready to put a bullet in their brain.

      Also, I can’t stand on my head. I just fall over. I do walk. It is pleasant and very enjoyable.

      Now, to bring the humor back to this humor blog, I would like everyone to imagine a fart noise. Hahaha. Farts are always funny.

      Like

    • I’m not going to tell people not to go to your blog, but I do wonder if you even read a word of the post before you commented. It seems to be on topice, but at the same time is very general. Hmmmm…

      Like

  57. Pingback: 2012: A Look Ahead « The Life and Times of Nathan Badley… « Mud Lumpur

  58. I think I love you, but I’ll settle for a platonic relationship.

    Seriously, it’s been a while since I found a blogger with a good sense of humour 🙂

    ^ Proceed to ignore what I just said, it was all desperation and whisky. Great blog-post!

    Like

    • That is incredibly nice of you to say. Your blog and my blog should hold hands and skip through a meadow together. What a platonic relationship the two of us shall have.

      Oh, I subscribed to you, by the way.

      Like

  59. I enjoyed reading your article and resonate with some of the themes you mention! I have just written a blog on 2012 which you may be interested in having a look at! Thanks, JO

    Like

  60. beautifully written and glad I read it after feeling rather empty about the year that lies ahead! 2011 wasn’t kind at all so i started my own blog too 🙂 thanks for the good read!

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  61. Well 2012 has one great thing to look forward to! Less dictators in the world: Kim Jong-gone , Ghadafi / Qadaf/ Kwadafi / Cat-duffy , Mooo-barack. Now it’s just time for old Bob Mugabe to hit the road. We can only hope 2012 will bring us that! Great post by the way!

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  62. Pingback: Blog 2011 « Numb3r5s's Blog

    • I can’t believe that. I mean, I would put this on my greatest hits album, but it’s not going to be the opening track, if you catch my drift. I appreciate it so much, though. Thank you thank you thank you.

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  63. Oh my goodness!! This was hysterical! I can agree with all the stores running out of batteries …. I live in an area where we get snow and you’d swear that anytime they announced a “snow storm” that we were going to be snowed in for a year bc the stores run out of milk/bread. Seriously, get a grip!

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  64. Hilarious. In addition, I will give you a hot tip that bunker sales are rising exponentially, you will invest, but your capital gains will mean nothing as currency will mean nothing post-apocalypse and you will have wished you had bought the bunker instead, as you roam the desolate Earth like the protagonist in The Road.

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  65. I wonder why strip joints never latched onto May Day, offering Pole-apalooza specials. For me, 2011 neither sucked nor blowed… it was an unproductive, unmemorable non-event. Hopefully, 2012 will be a more impressive year but without hoards of Mayan undead galloping around on black horses lobbing our heads off (or whatever the legend predicts).

    Congrats on being freshly pressed and much respect for keeping up with responding to all the comments!

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    • Sounds like someone needs to do PR for a strip club!!!

      You have no idea how much time I have spent responding to comments. The rest of my day has been spent deleting emails since I have email set for literally everything that happens on here. I would complain, but I like it very much, so I won’t.

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  66. When I first saw this, I thought it was going to be a list of resolutions or something like that… I’ve never been so thrilled to be wrong! lol
    This is fantastic!
    And it’s so true about the batteries and bottled water!

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    • Thank you. I won’t believe in the end of the world. It seems like a waste of my time worrying about it even if I did, so it is so far back in my mind that I will forget about it as soon as this comment is finished.

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  67. I enjoyed your post very much. However, I feel the need to cry slightly because I am almost 100% sure this will be the same list I experience in my life. Which I guess isn’t so bad, considering I now know that other bloggers share my mediocrity and I am not alone.

    Does this mean we are friends now and I have to buy you a Christmas present? Crap.

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  68. 2011 was Awesome, bru ! i had a GREAT year2011……

    NYE to 2012 does suck now though – there is no money, hence as such nothing to do, Epiphany of ONE really cannot do anything at all w/o money come the Cold Months, eh ! Too Brrrrrrrrrrrr……… outside and all,
    unlike broke in the Summer, chill, swim, lag to a Beach, whanot ! go for a run like Mogadishu, do yoga outside in the sunshine . Recaps of ’11 highlights, even when broke-out .

    canna go out : make-up, dress, cover$$$$$, drinksBAR$$$$$rail, blah, blahNYE to 2012 does suck now though – there is no money, hence as such nothing to do, Epiphany of ONE really cannot do anything at all w/o money

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  69. I promised myself I wouldn’t waste more time today reading blogs. And if I read this last one, I definitely won’t take up even more time commenting on it, especially since I’m on my new iPad which takes me twice as much time to type with…

    So that’s all of the crap I had to break through in order to type this, and the reason I am is because I loved this list, style and humor just that much. Congrats on being FP’d.

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  70. haha very good taste and not that I must believe in the end of the world I think is in my life and indeed the world will not end and you will see that the next day we will want to kill the daubs of discovery channel

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    • I do not want to get into it too much. Bloggers have a tendency to get whiny and self-pitying and I would very much like to avoid that tendency.

      I’ll just say my year started with a company I worked for ending because the owner was a borderline alcoholic who couldn’t handle money. Things are going much better now, but not starting off 2012 in this fashion will definitely lead to a better year.

      I hope that wasn’t too whiny.

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  71. im new to this blog spectrum.. my first reading of this site..
    but m gonna visit this site regularly..
    and this is not gonna be like new year resolution, after breaking of which i would enter in some spiral of self loathing.. 🙂

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  72. Pingback: So 2011 and then 2012, huh?. The year of the Whopper, the year of the SoDelicious Coconut Milk. « WOAH!

    • How is my view of 2012 negative? I stated that the world does not end, I learn to tie my shoes, etc. I’m not sure if you read my entire post (although I would guess you didn’t) but it seemed pretty neutral.

      If you’re going try to send people to your blog, at least make sure your pitch makes sense. For instance “Do you like reading blogs? I also have one right here: 1divineperspective.wordpress.com.” See how much better that would be? Or how about “I saw a lot of people here are literate. For those who know how to read, go here..” The possibilities are really endless.

      Anyway, thanks for at least sort of reading. Hope you have a great New Years.

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    • I am a bit cynical, although this is falls on the less cynical side. These are just things that are inevitable. I fully expect 2012 to be the most bombastic uncontrollably awesome year of all time. I will make sure it is.

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  73. Funny! Great list. It’s a really cool fresh breath in the “resolutions collection”.

    However, the first few sentences I don’t agree with. 2011 was a very important year for me. Well, maybe it was just me, though.

    Wonderful post.

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    • Thank you very much sir. I hope 2012 lives up to my expectations. I hope it lives up to your expectations. Heck, I hope it lives up to any and all expectation that has been placed on it by everyone everywhere.

      Have a great New Year. See you in 2012.

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  74. Wow, that was terrific Nathan, I needed a chuckle n thanks to you. 🙂 I am new on wordpress and was checking out blogs n am glad I ended up here just now. 🙂 I wish I could write this lightly and humorously, but I guess I am a nerd after all. 😀 Really enjoyed the “resolutions-for-never”. I have been working on a post against the ‘all-too-famous new year resolution’.

    I have never made resolutions on New Year Day, all these 23 years. Somehow, it seemed lame and funny, because knowing me, (certainly, like many of you) I am not someone who does everything I plan and resolve to do, every day or even on most of the days. And it’s not like we can plan the next moment always, because we humans are so fragile and uncertain. We are so ephemeral and weak when we consider the single, simple fact that we don’t know when our last breath will be. But, this year, I thought, may be it won’t hurt to make some resolutions that can be done, and have to be done. Only that the list should include things that you are sure of and the validity of the list has to be ‘forever’. 😀
    May be then, things might work.

    2011 wasn’t all that bad coz I got engaged and had my first book published. 🙂 But it could have been better by a better book-sale (which is too much asking for a poetry book, I know, especially when the author is in India and the publisher in USA). And I don’t want the world to end in 2012 (since I think that movie was lame, I don’t think it will anyway.) Coz I want to get married. (Don’t want to die a virgin!) 😀 LOL!

    Giggles from Kerala, India!
    Sana

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    • Thanks a lot for reading. Welcome to WordPress.

      Those are very wise words indeed. You really captured the view most people have, or should have, about New Year’s resolutions. This year, I do plan on making resolutions (resolving? resoluting?), but this is more of a goal than anything else.

      Congrats on the book, by the way. What is the name of it and what type of poetry do you write? I am, by all accounts, a huge nerd, so I am not ashamed to admit a fondness for poetry.

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      • 🙂 That’s encouraging, so I may not be that bad at humour if being a nerd is like you 😀 I loved that. The title is The Torrent from My Soul: Poems of A Born Dreamer. And my poetry is downright simple. 🙂 Thanks a lot!
        Check out http://www.sanarose.com/smitten-by-dreams–poems-of-a-soul-searcher.html for my latest poetry. A lot improved after the book of course. 😀
        Well, about resolutions, my post rather seemed like exaggerated to me 😀 Like I was just too desperate to write something. And I am not sure whether resolutions are about resolving or resoluting. 🙂 All the same, they are dumb. And yeah, goals are better and sharper!
        Happy 2012 and warm wishes for a funny year! 😀
        There is nothing better than a world where everyone is laughing (far-stretched but dreamable).

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  75. The new year is almost here. This is the year you, me, and everyone around us will frame goals, and end up with something similar you’ve mentioned above, Nathan. My 2011 year sucked, and this year I’ll not make false promises and stick to only one thing: complete the pending resolutions of 2011. 🙂

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    • You did already say it, but feel free to say it again. Say it over and over. Say until you can no longer stand the word “cool” and people have stopped talking to you because all you talk about is how cool I am.

      Seriously, thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.

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    • I’m fairly certain that isn’t possible. I also hope that my blog did not make you come to that conclusion. That would bum me out a great deal.

      Anyway, you shouldn’t want to restart your life. Even if you have had a terrible life, there’s no reason why you have to continue to have a terrible life. Your blog shows that you’re smart and have a lot going for you.

      Kill it in 2012. You can do it, my friend.

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  76. Pingback: Liebster Award? | The Chapel

    • What language is that? No matter what it is, I appreciate it very much.

      I do feel like all of these nice words MIGHT make me feel a bit cocky, though, so if you know anyone who can come knock me down a few pegs (“You’re blog is stupid and I bet people think you’re stupid too! If I ever met you, I’d kick you directly in the shin.”), it would probably be to my benefit.

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    • I did not know that. I can’t think of a time when I might need to know this, but I’m sure this info will come in handy at some point. Maybe if the New York Times does a pot themed crossword…

      I think the only person who has time to read through all these comments is me. In fact, I should get a trophy for comment reading. I’m like the Babe Ruth of reading comments: Fat and out of shape, but I somehow still manage to do something that some people think is productive.

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  77. Pingback: My 2011 – An individualist,self-centred look at the year gone by « I love a lot