Even worse are Mondays like today. Currently, my view out the window includes incredibly drab gray clouds, trees that were once colored in their brightest fall hues now nearly naked, and dead grass. It looks like even Mother Nature woke up today and wished she could throw her alarm clock at the wall and roll back over.
Yes, dreary Mondays are one of the worst ways to start the week. There are very few ways to make Mondays worse. Maybe if I got punched in the stomach at the start of every hour. That would definitely send things even farther downhill.
Of course, I’m not one to be content with allowing my Monday to become a nasty, stupid, dumb day. No, sir. Something had to be done to turn this Monday into a day that isn’t a pure nightmare.
That is how America’s new favorite game, MONDAY!!!!!, was born.
The rules to MONDAY!!!!! are very simple. First, you divide up into teams numbering from two to sixty. No more than sixty, though. If you have more than sixty per team, you’ve already ruined the game and everyone will hate you for it.
The next step is to gather water balloons. This is a very important step. You will want to have a lot of water balloons for this game. I would recommend at least 30 per person.
The third step is to brew one entire pot of coffee for each team member. This must be regular coffee. If you make decaf, you have once again ruined the game. Also, you’re a huge wiener. Just man up and drink regular. Believe me, people are making fun of your girly coffee behind your back.
Now that these steps are done, the game can begin. First, all contestants must gather in a circle in the middle of your work area. With their pots of coffee in hand, everyone must scream, “MONDAY!!!!!,” then proceed to chug the coffee. After this, everyone should return to their desk/ work area for about thirty minutes.
Once the entire pot of coffee has kicked in, and you will know when it kicks in based on your inability to hold any part of your body still, the game really kicks into gear.
You will want to make sure you have water balloons with you. Roaming your office, you will watch for anyone on the opposite team. If you see them yawn, hear them sigh, or basically witness them reacting to Monday in any of the typical ways people react to Monday, you can then jump out of the corner where you have been hiding, scream “MONDAY!!!!!,” then pelt them in the face with the balloons.
There are many optional rules that can put in place. For instance, you can have a magic phrase such as, “Please stop hitting me with water balloons.” If someone says this magic phrase, you then must scream, “ULTRA MONDAY!!!!!” and continue to pelt them until they reach base (any area within eyesight of your boss) or give you $20.
One common trick that the other team will try to pull is pretending they don’t know what game you’re talking about and don’t understand why you are throwing balloons at them. Don’t be thrown off by this. Their just big liars. Everyone in the world knows about MONDAY!!!!! It is best to assume that everyone is playing this game and everyone is on the other team. You’ll never win MONDAY!!!!! if you play cautiously.
At the end of the day, the winner is the driest person. They will be rewarded with a prize that is most likely just left over food from the break room. Even though the prize is most likely an old Lean Cuisine that was left by that guy who got fired for stealing office supplies, the winner must celebrate like they have just won the Stanley Cup. If they don’t, they automatically forfeit the trophy.
Of course, there will be people who think rational things like, “This game is stupid.” They’re right. It’s really stupid. In fact, it may be the dumbest game ever, or it’s at least on the same level as Cranium. That game seriously needs to just disappear.
That isn’t the point of MONDAY!!!!! In fact, the only point is to distract people from the fact that it is Monday and Mondays are incredibly stupid. There is no better distraction in the world than a bunch of over caffeinated people armed with water balloons.
Plus, if your boss catches you playing MONDAY!!!!!, they will let you go home. They won’t even make you come back to work ever again. In fact, they’ll make sure you aren’t allowed back in because they know that you’re just way too productive for other people to handle. You’re just too much of a team player.
Of course, with this much fun on Mondays, Tuesdays are really going to seem boring in comparison. I guess that means will have to improve Tuesdays too. Then, we’ll probably have to hit Wednesday. Really, every day is going to need a game like this if we’re expected to make it through the week.
We’re really going to need to get some more coffee. I have a feeling we’ll be going through a lot of it.