Labor Day: The Blessing and the Curse of a Three Day Weekend

With this last Monday being Labor Day, everyone’s favorite union-related holiday, I was granted one of the most delightful things a human can ask for.

I received the elusive three day weekend.

Three day weekends are great. It gives you a great opportunity to get everything that you have been putting off done. Going into the weekend, I had a quite a list of what I needed to accomplish:

-Clean up the backyard

-Walk the dog

-Exercise

-Clean up the house

-Get ahead on work

-Catch up on some reading

Of course, as is prone to happen during these weekends, the list changed slightly once the weekend began:

-Eat

-Watch TV

-Sleep

The reason it drifted into this is, as I have proven many times, a three day weekend is not long enough. Sure, on paper it seems long enough, but there is no way to schedule everything into those three days.

Day one is always completely filled with rest. You have spent the last five days in a row working without a break. The last thing you want to do is work on another thing. You know that the lawn needs mowed, the hedges need trimmed, the cows need milked, the hogs need slopped, the driveway needs patched, and the fence needs whitewashed (parts of this list only apply to people living on a farm in the late 1800s). Despite your awareness of these needs, there is also a couch that needs to be used; after all, you paid $65 for that thing at your local Salvation Army. You need to get every penny worth out of it.

This day usually ends with a marathon of some sort of TV show (in my wife’s case, “Ally McBeal”) and eating whatever food is around the house because going out to eat involves a lot of work. It’s a whole lot easier to keep your sweat pants on and enjoy the crumbles at the bottom of your bag of tortilla chips.

Day two is an activity filled day. You have friends (hopefully) that you need to see. Since it is a three day weekend, everyone thinks this is the perfect time to get together for a cookout, a game of Frisbee-golf, or a good ol’ fashioned barn raising (limited to the Amish that are reading this).

Since you don’t want to upset these friends, lest they become violent and come at you with a knife again, you spend all day with them. A good time is had by all as long as that knife is kept out of reach.

When day three reaches, you realize you have only one day before you have to go back to work. You hate your job and have no interest in talking to those jerks at the office tomorrow. In fact, the thought of having to listen to Lisa in accounting blabber on about the new cooking class she is taking at the YMCA is enough to make a person suicidal. No one is interested in the fact that you learned how to make tiramisu, Lisa! Just shut up already.

The only way to prepare for another week is to return back to the couch from day one and hide from reality. You usually end up doing the same thing as you did day one, but odds are you switch out TV shows (in my wife’s case, she switched to “Felicity”).

Nowhere in that crowded, busy schedule were you able to get anything worthwhile done.

So how do you combat this? With the most useful tool ever: Wikipedia.

Instead of going back to work, look up that Tuesday on Wikipedia and view the day’s holidays. For instance, today is Bulgarian Unification Day.

Once you have identified a holiday, look into your lineage. Somewhere, there is a chance you have an ancestor from Bulgaria or whatever that country of origin may be. You can’t possibly go to work after your busy three day weekend. Great great great great great great uncle Luyben would be very disappointed if you neglected your heritage like that.

Your employer will not believe that this is a valid reason to miss work. This, though, is a simple fix. Just scream, “RACIST!!!!!!” repeatedly. Odds are he will become very nervous and grant you an extra day off just to shut you up.

Before you know it, you finally have a fourth day to get everything done.

Of course, there is a lot of effort that goes into getting that fourth day. It really is enough to exhaust a person. How can you possibly get any chores done when you are that tired?

You really need to buckle down and at least open the back door so the dog can go out. Three days is a long time for her to hold it, but there is a “JAG” marathon on TV. Nothing is quite as thrilling as military courtrooms. Plus there is still half of a can of Fresca that isn’t going to drink itself.

Looks like you’ll need to look for a five-day vacation. Tomorrow is Mozambique Victory Day. Surely that will do the trick.

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4 thoughts on “Labor Day: The Blessing and the Curse of a Three Day Weekend

  1. Hahahhahaha…I worked the damn weekend…so whatever, mind you it’s Tuesday to all of you, and it’s my Friday, so I guess I rock 🙂 Happy Wednesday …

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  2. Haha this post made me feel like I was part of the human race again. I thought it was only lazy me who did these things on such a long break! I’m never leaving my house to eat again XD

    Like

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