Every day, I have bad ideas. For a minute, they seem like really great ideas, but on closer inspection, they are the worst ideas anyone could ever have. If you don’t believe me, listen to this gem: full-size, street legal bumper cars.
While this would definitely lead to death and destruction, it isn’t the worst idea I’ve heard this week. In fact, there is one idea that seems to top the mountain of craptacular thinking.
They are remaking “Dirty Dancing.”
I’m sure it makes a great deal of sense to Hollywood. It made a lot of money in 1987. It would probably make a lot of money in 2011. Money is important to a lot of people so this is a very appealing brainstorm to most studio executives.
Besides the money, though, this is a terrible, terrible, terrible idea. You can tell how terrible of an idea it is by the number of times I said terrible. It is just terrible.
I’m not the only one who thinks this.
Some person named Laura took time to type this onto the internet: “Call it something else, then. Dirty Dancing will always be Patrick and Jennifer. I’M sure it is narrow minded greed that is dancing on Patrick’s grave. How could they?”
How could they indeed!
Another person named Punky’s Mom said, ”What a cruel slap in the face to Patrick Swayze‘s family. I hope that the re-make stinks so it will never make it to theaters nor to video. There should only be one version of “Dirty Dancing”.”
Yes, we are all outraged. I’m right there along with you, but for a completely different reason.
I don’t want to watch “Dirty Dancing,”
As a male of the human species, there is one single reason to watch “Dirty Dancing”: a female wants you to, so you might receive kisses after it is over. If it wasn’t for the kiss factor, no man would have ever seen the original “Dirty Dancing.”
In 1987, man after man was dragged to the theater to see Patrick Swayze do some sort of semi-dirty dancing with Jennifer Grey. The movie was full of all that gushy stuff that men hate to see in movies. Mix that in with dancing, “The Time Of My Life,” and a disturbing lack of guns, explosions, or fighting, and what you have is a movie that men will hate.
Now, I have to live through a remake of one.
I don’t want to live in a world with, not one, but TWO “Dirty Dancings.” This must be stopped.
If America’s forefathers have taught us anything, they have shown us that we must take a stand for what we believe in. I believe in less terrible movies, and I’m sure you agree with me.
Whether you don’t want this movie made because it will ruin the original or you don’t want it made because you know your significant other will force you to sit there and watch it when all you want to do is watch Sportscenter, we must do something.
That is why I have created this petition.
All we want from Hollywood are ideas that don’t come from old Patrick Swayze movies. They can be original ideas, ideas from books. At this point, I’m even becoming okay with “Battleship.”
I don’t want another “Dirty Dancing”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Together, we can stop me from having to watch another terrible remake of a movie I didn’t want to watch the first time. Isn’t that really all we care about?