Nose Picking and Dancing: Two Driving Activities I Do Not Recommend

Dear Lady Next to me at the Stoplight,

Hi. It was great that we could meet up like this this morning. I couldn’t help but noticing that your car seems very nice. Is it new? If not, I’m impressed with the care that you have used with your car. It still looks like it just came off of the lot.

One of my favorite features about your car (or any car, for that matter) is the window on the driver’s side door. See, in case you hadn’t noticed, it is nearly invisible, making it possible to see if a car is next to you. That keeps you safe.

Unfortunately for you, it also allows me to see you while you are driving.

I’m curious: what was the name of the song you were dancing around to while you were at the stop light? It sounded like it was by Lady Gaga/ Katy Perry/ Ke$ha/ Rihanna (I’m pretty sure they are all the same person). I was impressed with the way you used the space in your car. Most people would be unable to pull off some of the dance maneuvers that you did, especially with a seatbelt on. You, however, did it with ease.

The only reason I bring this up is I have been looking for a way to improve my car-dancing. Sometimes when I am driving, I start to feel stressed and I feel like dancing it out behind the wheel to a random pop song my relieve some of my tension. Plus, it’s a great workout. Nothing strengthens your core like a good car-dance. Is there a class at the local YMCA I could take or perhaps an educational video I could watch? Maybe a car-dancing dojo I could join?

Of course, I was stunned when you stopped dancing. “What crazy thing are you about to do in a car now?” I thought. I assumed it was going to be another amazing driving feat like ironing your laundry from the drivers seat or building a tower of playing cards.

It turns out it was a very average, every day thing. You just needed to stop to pick your nose.

Now, I understand what your thinking. You can’t dance with a giant, sticky booger in your nostril. Number one, it makes it harder to breathe during your dance workout, increasing the likelihood of injury. Number two, the added weight inside your head could possibly inhibit your “getting crunk.” Most importantly, though, studies have proven that boogers inside your nose are gross and make people not want to be around you. If you want friends, the boogers must go (though not in front of people).

Despite these reasons, though, I do feel it necessary to remind you that the window to your left works both ways. If you don’t want someone like me to see you shove your entire index finger inside your booger-canyon, then you might want to duck down a bit or wait until you get home. If you don’t, there is good chance that someone will see it and talk about it online.

Good luck with all future car-dancing and booger related activities.

 

Love,

Nathan

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18 thoughts on “Nose Picking and Dancing: Two Driving Activities I Do Not Recommend

  1. Oh my – hilarious!

    Now was she a pick-and-flicker or a driller? I suppose either should be reserved for alone time at home!

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  2. Funny the way we think no one is looking at us or hears us in our cars. I hate the guys with the boom box speakers. Are they just assholes or do they really think everyone wants to hear their crappy music?

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  3. I worked with someone who was a nose picker. Whenever we had new clients in the office and I saw him reach out to shake hands it almost did me in…he also ate what he harvested.

    Thanks so much for reviving that memory. 😉

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  4. Yuck. But sadly not surprising. I’ve heard of shaving (and not just faces), eyebrow plucking, and flossing while driving. Now, give me a case of bikini-waxing, and you might have a unique situation.

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