The Innerworkings of a Mad Man

I’m not sure how my brain works.

I’m not talking medically, though I don’t really understand that process either. Something about electrons and brain cells and not getting concussions… I don’t know. It all sounds very complicated to me.

No, in general I’m not sure why my thought process is the way that it is. I will say something, thinking it is the most obvious statement ever, and people will stare at me in bewilderment. Occasionally they’ll give that look that is normally reserved for a particularly unusual comment from that senile, and slightly racist, grandparent. The way people react, I might as well have kicked off my shoes, put a pair of boxer briefs on my head, and began to waltz with a Swiffer Wet-Jet (The quickest way to get that floor to shine!).

This insane thought pattern has created some “interesting” pieces of writing. By “interesting,” I of course mean “could be written by a criminally insane person.”

Since I began blogging, I have noticed a growing trend: people suggesting ideas for me to write about.

It starts out like any other event would. I’ll be talking to someone, pretending to listen, but really thinking about the different flavors of snow cones and the conspicuous lack of a chocolate snowcone. I mean, it seems like an obvious flavor to try out. It’s not that I have anything against grape or strawberry or pina colada-mango surprise. It just seems like we’re skipping a gimme flavor.

My thought pattern will then be interrupted by someone saying, “That would be a good topic for your blog.”

As I said before, I am only pretending to listen to what they are saying. After all, this snowcone quandry is not going to work itself out. I can’t, though, say that I wasn’t listening to what they had been talking about for the last few minutes. That would be rude, much like ignoring them in the first place.

Ha ha. Yeah,” I say, not knowing what in the world we are talking about, but fairly certain it has nothing to do with cool summertime treats. It’s then that I realize I probably have chosen the incorrect reaction, because my conversational partner will look at me, slightly confused about my reaction.

You can’t backtrack from that, though, so I sit there for the next hour in shame, wondering why they had to offer to help write my blog.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer of help. After all, I am not an endless fountain of writing topics. If I was, I would find it difficult to get things other than writing done in my life. In fact, it’s very nice for them to offer to help me.

Unfortunately for me (and fortunately for everyone else) no one else seems to be thinking like I am. They are thinking in a logical and much less scattered and nonsensical way.

That means when I am offered a great idea, I either was not listening or do not understand why it would be humorous. It’s nothing against the idea in any way. In fact, some are genuinely great ideas for someone besides me to write about.

If I wrote about it, though, it would quickly drift into an essay on the importance of shoe polish in 1800’s or a piece examining alternative uses for peanut butter (peanut butter pomade!).

I guess what I’m trying to say is two things. First, what you are reading is the workings of a madman who happens to have figured out how to use the internet. He does think a party would be nice to celebrate his internet usage, but doesn’t expect it.

Secondly, someone get on this chocolate snow cone thing. Seriously, why haven’t you already done this?


6 thoughts on “The Innerworkings of a Mad Man

  1. I agree – you are a madman. It works for you. 😉 Apparently your friends don’t know it though, if they’re making rational suggestions for things on which you should write. I get suggestions too – people who think that _______ is important, but not important enough for them to start a blog and write about it themselves. Probably lots of other bloggers get those too. Ironically, it is my own internal workings about which I usually write, and rarely the suggestions of others.


    • I don’t believe it to be that simple. For instance, you would need a chocolate syrup that is the right consistency. Also, you don’t want it to be that fake Tootsie Roll flavored chocolate. You want real chocolate flavor.

      The main reason, though, is I enjoy guava/mango/papaya far too much to put any effort into a chocolate flavored snow cone.


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