It’s a question that has plagued mankind for centuries. Plato and Socrates spent their entire lives debating this question. There is even a legend that the Thinking Man statue is deep in thought, longing for an answer to this question.
I am, of course, speaking of the age old question, “What is the best superpower?”
There is no stronger debate amongst mankind today.
Fortunately, I am here with your guide to superpowers. Choose at your own risk.
*Pros: You are definitely the strongest of your friends, pretty much clinching your position as captain of your company’s softball team. It is a given rule that anybody who can hit the ball more than a mile gets to be the captain.
You also have a leg up in the gym. Instead of going in and looking like an idiot next to steroid-loaded gentleman to your right, you look superhuman, which you, of course, are. He just doesn’t know it.
*Cons: Have you ever read Of Mice and Men? You know how Lenny is so strong he accidentally crushes living things to death? Major con.
*Pros: You can pull the best pranks ever if your friends can’t see you. It is also very easy to steal things.
*Cons: If you have a tendency to jaywalk, there is a good chance you’ll get hit by a car and die. Cars don’t usually brake for invisible people.
*Pros: It’s very easy to pass yourself off as a psychic doctor if you can diagnose heart disease before the patient even undresses. That is an easy way to make money.
You also don’t have to waste time snooping around for presents around Christmas. Wait until they’re wrapped, and assuming the wrapping paper isn’t made of lead, you’re set.
*Cons: Seeing everyone’s spleen. Do I need to say anything else?
*Pros: You can save money from your car payment and gas if you don’t need either one. Also, it is a great way to impress ladies on a first date.
*Cons: Jet engines.
*Pros: You should be able to turn back time by running really fast, meaning you can stop your high school aged self from getting that stupid haircut everyone made fun of. That saves quite a bit on therapist bills.
* Cons: Running that fast definitely would hurt your feet. You would need some killer insoles.
Ability to Talk to Animals
*Pros: Um….this is a tough one…uh….
I guess you can finally find out why your dog refuses to stop peeing on that rug…
*Cons: Imagine coming across a donkey and it really does have Eddie Murphy’s voice like in Shrek. That would be one annoying donkey.