I’m about to say something that will enrage the masses.
I hate board games.
Right now, you are seriously thinking about throwing your computer to the ground and hunting me down just to punch me in the face. I know this is your reaction because this is not the first time I’ve said this. In fact, I’ve said often enough it might be on my grave stone:
Nathan Badley 1987-2275
“I hate board games”
(Yes, by the way, I do plan on living 288 years. Most people my age think they’re invincible, so me limiting myself to less than three centuries is quite the step up.)
Unfortunately, no one else seems to like games like this.
They like what I like to call embarragames. These are games whose sole purpose on this earth is to make the people playing them feel stupid by having them perform stunts that even a trained monkey would turn down.
These games often feature segments that make a person perform tasks such as acting out a movie title blind folded while a person hits them in the knee with a wiffle-ball bat. When a game comes down to who is able to sculpt dried out Play-Do into a to-scale replica of the Eiffel Tower fastest, I am not interested, thank you.
It seems that I have surrounded myself with people who like these games. A perfect example comes from my wife’s family.
Whenever we get together, a grand time is had by all. We laugh together, eat together, etc.
Then, someone suggests we play a game.
Suddenly I’m in the middle of the Thunderdome, fighting for my life. Anyone who doesn’t want to play is deemed a “pooper” (I’m still not sure how that is an insult. I’ve heard everybody poops.) and shunned for the rest of the evening.
This gives me two choices: either play the game or go find some sort of body armor because I may be beaten to a pulp for wimping out.
I do not have the correct competitive intuition to play these games with them. There is trash talking, taunting, and showboating, a skill that I do admire because showboating with a tiny plastic board game piece is not easy. If someone pulled a switchblade out and told their opponent to back away from the game board, I would not be all that surprised.
I try to stay quiet and away from most of the action, lest I have my arm ripped off.
It has almost become a challenge for people I know to try to get me to love their board game. “Nathan is coming over? Let’s get out ‘Dance Like You’re on Fire.’ He’ll love that one!”
When forced to participate in these games, at some point, all participants turn to me, their eyes expectantly looking for my approval of this game. My ratings range from “Ugh” (the lowest) to “I guess it’s okay” (the highest). More often than not, it receives a shrug.
I will continue to play these games, though. If I don’t, soon I will find myself in the position of the friend who is never invited to parties because he doesn’t participate. I do enjoy being around my friends, and, who knows, maybe I’ll even learn to enjoy these games.
I just need to develop a healthy love of looking stupid first.
- Terry Venables Invites you to be THE MANAGER – Board Game Review #3 (mirkobolesan.wordpress.com)