Warning: The following story features a significant amount of references to Donald Trump. While the obvious jokes about Trump’s hair are sitting right in front of us, we here at the Life and Times feel we are above those jokes. There will be no mentions of the piece of road kill that the Donald plopped onto his head this morning after he woke up, or how it looks kind of like he got a swirly in grade school and he decided it was a good look for him, and we will most definitely not imply that it is a toupee.
If you are expecting jokes about his hair, then you have come to the wrong place. Thank you, and enjoy the follow piece.
As our government faces a potential shut down in the coming days, people in America our looking for some sort of leadership. Who is it we can turn to in this volatile time in American history?
Donald Trump, of course.
For the last couple of years, it seemed that Trump had been relatively quiet. Yes, he still had his TV show, and the celebrity versions of his TV show, and he would occasionally appear randomly on someone else’s TV show to say something pompous, but he didn’t get remarried or start another feud with Rosie O’Donnell, so that is low key for Trump.
In the last month, Trump clearly felt like his title of King Media Whore was slipping through his fingers. As the public anointed Charlie Sheen the biggest attention seeker on the planet, Trump was busy trying to figure out a new way to get himself in front of everyone’s faces, so he naturally did what any good media personality would do in that situation.
Hinted he was going to run for president while telling the world our current president was born in a different country.
According to a new poll by NBC, Trump now ranks second in potential presidential candidates, sitting behind a first place tie between Steve Urkel and the Lockness Monster. In fact, as I write this, a coworker is sitting behind me saying how he would vote for The Donald (true story), obviously not concerned that there is a chance he would change the name of the White House to the Magnificent Donald Trump White House and Casino in Washington D.C.
Despite this political success (or Trumpcess, as he likes to call it), he has yet to declare his intentions to run for president, because, if he did, he would have to cancel the rest of his current season of The Apprentice, which would cause rioting in the streets.
So, what is a man to do if he can’t start campaigning for president because he has a hit, soul-sucking reality show?
Try to prove the current president is an imposter, of course.
In a recent interview, Trump told NBC he had hired people in Hawaii to find the truth about Barack Obama. These investigators have been busy at work and Trump now says you’ll be very surprised by what his investigators are finding. I am assuming that means that he has uncovered the real truth about Obama: he is really Jimmy Hoffa.
I, personally, would love to see Trump get the Republican nomination for president, just for the debates. I don’t know this for a fact, but I doubt Trump would bring a healthy respect for debate decorum, leading to some very awkward and unintentionally hilarious moments.
For now, we will just have to wait for The Apprentice to end before we find out what Donald really plans on doing. There’s only two facts we know for sure.
First, his hair will continue to look like it contains crop circles. Secondly, he will be on our TV every second he can.
We at the Life and Times apologize for the preceding writing piece. We thought we could manage 500 words without a reference to Donald Trump’s hair. It is simply not possible. In the future, we will try to avoid such obvious humor. Thank you.