A couple of months ago, I bought a watch. Up until that point, every time I wanted to know what time it was, I was forced to do the Cell Phone Shake. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about because you do not own a cell phone (or pants for that matter), the Cell Phone Shake is that dance people inadvertently perform while trying to pull their cell phone out of their pocket. It looks a lot like they have a wedgie.
I enjoy having a watch. It’s very convenient. In fact, there is only one bad thing about it.
I own the loudest watch ever known to mankind.
You may think I am exaggerating, but I’m not. I am forced to sleep with my watch in another room because it’s hard to get your beauty rest when it sounds like the intro to 60 Minutes is being filmed right next to your head. It’s so loud, if you stuck your head out of the nearest window right now, there is a fair chance you might be able to hear my watch from wherever you’re at.
This, in itself, is not a huge problem. I can live with a loud watch. Aside from making my wife complain, there is really no negative to the volume of the second hand.
At least, I thought there wasn’t.
Turns out, there actually is.
It is mid-day Friday. That, of course, means tomorrow is Saturday (if you need a quick rundown on how days work, look up Rebecca Black on YouTube). I would like to be done with work today more than anything, but time has decided to pass at a leisurely pace today, and nothing seems to be making it move faster.
On my wrist, I have a constant reminder.
I’ve done everything to try and pass the time. First, I did my work. That is, after all, what you are supposed to do at work. Being the terrific employee that I am, I did this before anything else.
That took ten minutes.
Next, I got online. Since most websites are blocked, I am limited to news sites. Apparently, nothing has happened today. After finding out why Billy Ray Cyrus was a popular topic on CNN (He called off his divorce! Great news! Thank you, CNN, for bringing this joyous news to the world! Yippee! I hope it’s not too late to order a “No Achy Breaky Heart Here” cake from my local bakery…), I had exhausted this resource.
Only seven hours to go.
I finally took care of those last two pesky levels of Angry Birds. I checked my email. I answered a phone. I checked my email. I went back to the kitchen and made some tea. I checked my email.
I thought for a little bit about starting to pull pranks on my coworkers like on The Office. Unfortunately, today I only have one person working with me. She is my manager and she is a very nice lady. I couldn’t prank her.
So I’m forced to sit here and listen to Adult Contemporary music while I wait for the day to end.
I may kill some time smashing this stupid watch.
- Billy Ray Cyrus: The Divorce is Off (seattlepi.com)
- Cell Phone Picture: Sleepy Potassium (iampotassium.wordpress.com)
- Doug Gottlieb’s Cell Phone Goes Off Live on Air (VIDEO) (blippitt.com)