– If shoes were sized by letters, I would wear a size J, sometimes a J and a half.
– Dry dog food looks a lot like cereal. If you put milk on it, though, it still takes like dog food. Soggy dog food, but dog food nonetheless.
– Whoever invented pianos must have really hated moving.
– If you really had a hundred of bottles of beer on the wall, an earthquake would make for a big mess.
– When people dress up their animals like people, they think they are showing people how cute their pet is. They are really showing people the likelihood of their children needing therapy someday. That likelihood is high.
– If an elephant never forgets, why is it so easy for poachers to get them?
– The word doughnut sounds a lot like do not. If a doughnut shop wanted to succeed, they should just call them doughs.
-Do you think all 700 of King Solomon’s wives had their cycles sync up? That would be a rough few days.
– A lot of men have a fantasy about marrying a supermodel. Does that mean that a lot of supermodels have a fantasy about marrying average men?
– Having heartworms would be terrifying. What would be worse? Hearttarantulas.
– 76 trombones led the big parade with 110 cornets close at hand. That parade sounds like it would go on far too long. I would have to visit the funnel cake guy to make sitting through it worth it.
– Before picture frames were invented, what did people get for wedding gifts?
– The dishwasher was a great invention. Now, if they would just invent the dishwasherloader, we would be in good shape.
– The Redwood Forest must be like heaven to a beaver.
– A really good prank would be to change the time on Big Ben ahead an hour. Britain would freak out.
– Do you think horses ever want to stop and say to their rider, “Okay. My turn now.”?