Lost In TV Land

Most people gaze neither into the past nor the future; they explore neither truth nor lies. They gaze at their television. – Radiohead Yeah, that can wait until later. I’m going to watch TV. – Nathan on just about any given day of the week   Ever since I was a child, I have been […]

The Desolate Wasteland of Broadcast Television

My wife and I have never really felt the need for cable or satellite. It just seemed like an unnecessary expense, particularly when 90% of the television viewed in our household comes from Netflix. We have survived with a set of rabbit ears since we were married and, for the most part, it has been […]

“Downton Abbey” Could Use Some More Excitement

My house is full of “Downton Abbey”. Everywhere I go tonight, all I hear are British accents cascading from my TV, vaguely referencing things that at some point have happened in their home. I have no attention span, so this show is not a show for me. My wife has insisted that I would appreciate […]

Operation Boob Tube, Part 3: The Part of the Story Where It Ends

And now the exciting conclusion… We sat there throughout the game. Sure, I was enjoying the hockey, but I had destiny on my mind.  With  a minute left in the game, I gave my sister the top-secret ultra-hush-hush super-stealthy signal that it was time for my plan to be sat in motion. “Hey,” I said. “We […]

Operation Boob Tube, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

When we last left off, stuff had happened. There was a lot of stuff and words and other things. You should probably read that before continuing on. Now, the exciting continuation of that stuff that happened last time. “Where?!” I shouted. My eyes darted back and forth searching for the bright lights of cameras and […]

Operation Boob Tube, Part 1

2013 Goal #28: Get On TV Everyone wants to be on TV. There is nothing more exciting than knowing that there are possibly millions of human beings looking at your face. Sure, many of them will change the channel to something more entertaining and even more of them will only watch you because they are […]

The Walking Dead: A Lesson in Brain Stabbing

My sister is infamous for her television obsessions. There was the summer of “Jon and Kate Plus Eight.” No one could forget the year of “Cupcake Wars.” No matter what the show is, she will go in at full speed, ready to become completely obsessed with the ensuing flurry of episodes that were soon to […]

Disney to spinoff “Boy Meets World,” continue destroying everything good about my childhood

My first post for the site The Commission is up today. Click here to read it. Read it many times. You should repeatedly read it until your eyes bleed. Then, you should get a friend to read it to you since it can be very difficult to read through bloody eyes. Thanks in advance for reading […]

Man Arrives At Own Funeral Alive, Likely Ruins Very Nice Service

I was in fifth grade when I first read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. I immediately felt myself getting caught up with the escapades of this rascal and his no-good friend. I turned each page, eager to find out what antics they would get themselves into next. It was just like what I wished my life […]