China Mistakes Kim Jong-un as “The Sexiest Man Alive.” What Else Could We Get Them To Believe?

China does a lot of things right. Not toys or toothpaste or crayons (unless you have always wanted to increase the lead in your home), but there are things they are great at. You know, like gymnastics or naming delicious chicken dishes after generals. Unfortunately, the list of things they do well does not include […]

Science Argues Women are Smarter Than Men, Men too Stupid to Refute

As a child, there were a handful of debates that raged on the playground. Debate #1: Chocolate milk versus regular. Obviously chocolate won hands down every time, but a few kids clung onto their love for regular. Of course, there were the oddballs who would want to throw strawberry into the mix, but everyone knows […]

Every Conversation I Had Today

Without further ado, I present my one-act play, “Every Conversation I Had Today.”   A man or woman (it doesn’t really matter) walks in a door. The person who is inside that door greets them. Nathan: Hey. How are you doing? Man (or Woman): Wiping brow Boy! It sure is hot today! Nathan: Yeah, I […]

Gordon the Forgotten Garage Sale

It was early in the morning when the people came outside. They carried their knickknacks and their bric-à-brac and set it up on the lawn. Piles of curios and long forgotten nonsensical items covered the grass. That is how Gordon the Garage Sale came to be. Gordon felt confident. He knew exactly what he had […]

Dear 7-Eleven Gas Station Attendent

Dear 7-Eleven Gas Station Attendent, You might not remember me. Earlier this evening, I came into your fine establishment to purchase a drink. After much debate, I settled on a Big Gulp, realizing I was far too thirsty for a single Gulp, but definitely not thirsty enough for a Double Gulp. As I walked towards […]

My Wife, the Old Lady

The following post is not only approved by my wife, but was actually suggested by her. Women, don’t get mad at me. It’s all her doing.   As a young lad, I remember learning about life expectancy. I was horrified. As a male, I was doomed to depart this life long before my female peers. […]

Milk Helps With PMS? Imagine What Chocolate Milk Could Do…

Dear California Milk Processors Board, I saw your new advertisement online today, and I must say I was horrified. HORRIFIED! This ad seems to imply there is a suffering that we men have to be put through on a monthly basis because WOMEN seem to think that men are the worst people in the world […]

Celebrities and Tsunamis and Their Coexistence

I make fun of America a lot. At times, it seems almost an unnatural amount. The reason is simple: We are shallow. I’m not talking an average amount of shallow either. Turn on your television any night of the week and you are prone to see Entertainment Tonight/ Access Hollywood/ The Insider/ TMZ/ The entire […]