Newt Gingrich: Friend to Man and Beast

I’ll be the first to admit it. I can be a cynical person. I am often disparaging and sarcastic, mocking any target that seems to be asking for it. This list has in the past included people from every walk of life. One of the main marks of my razor-sharp wit has been a group […]

Your Guide to Super Tuesday Elections

All across America, the energy is palpable. There is electricity in the air. Metaphorically, of course, because if there was literally electricity in the air, we would all be wearing rubber suits to avoid death. As I’m typing this, I can barely get the words out. I am so excited, my hands are trembling. IT’S […]

Cat Congressional Candidate Claws Competitors, Also Inspires a Really Neat Alliteration

For those who haven’t heard yet, 2012 is an election year. That means more of the same. Republicans will call Democrats elitist. Democrats will call Republicans fat cats. Independent parties will say mildly crazy stuff with no hope of ever actually winning an election. It all gets very boring after a while. There are only […]

RU SRS?: The English Language is Dead

There is no way to turn on the news now without hearing about the presidential race. We are inundated with information about Newt Gingrich being a sleazy swinger, Mitt Romney flip-flopping, Ron Paul being borderline insane and the other candidates being uninteresting, but at the very least, living human beings. They are all campaigning on […]

Mitt Romney Speaks French, Hates America

Warning: The following is to be read in a sarcastic tone. If you at any point in time find yourself agreeing with anything written here, please go sit in a dark room and think long and hard about your life. Just like most of America, I have been eagerly awaiting the 2012 presidential election. Our […]

Rest In Peace, News

I quit. I resign, I give up, I’m done with it. As far as I am concerned, it has been put out to pasture like an aging race horse with a broken leg. And just like that race horse, long ago it served an actual purpose, but now that purpose has been forgotten, with the […]