Barack Obama Either Makes A Funny Video To Urge People to Buy Healthcare or Disgraces the Dignity of His Position

I am a very impressionable person. As busy as I am, I simply do not have time to make my own decisions about things. That is why I rely on the others to make sure I have a well-informed position to staunchly believe in. Occasionally, though, this turns into a real problem. Take today, for […]

Man So Bored With Super Bowl That He Tried To Eat His Brother’s Ear

When a big event like the Super Bowl takes place, you are sure to hear some weird stories. After all, it is a day when 325.5 million gallons of beer is consumed. That does not exactly sound like a day full of responsible decisions. All around the country, people are more likely to break bones […]

No CNN, I Do Not Care About Justin Bieber

Technology is a wonderful thing. There once was a time when we could not have every bit of news in front of us at a seconds notice. You would have to wait for people like Walter Cronkite to come on TV at a certain time and let you know that indeed there was something that […]

Cheesepocalypse Surely Spells Out Doom and Utter Destruction For Humanity

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t want to alarm or cause panic, but we are on the verge of a major disaster the likes of which the world has never seen. This calamity makes the Hindenburg look like nothing. The Titanic pales in comparison. I fear that if this disaster comes to light, the streets will […]

Aliens Are Out There and Apparently They Enjoy Messing With Our Planes

As far as I know, there are no statistics for how many people are afraid of flying. I would assume that it is a lot, and really who can blame them? Even if you understand the physics of flight, the fact that you are in a gigantic winged tube made of metal that is hurtling […]

The Government Shutdown: Where’s The Anarchy?

A few months ago, I downloaded the CNN app for my phone. This seemed like a great idea at the time. Anytime any breaking news was uncovered, I would be alerted immediately. I had at the time forgotten that almost all news is terrible. I was made aware of every single murder that happened to […]

Man Named Ikbal Hares Punches Darth Vader’s Wife In The Face

As a rule, people seem to like Star Wars too much. I know this is a controversial statement, but it is true. Sure, the movies are entertaining, but anyone who says they are the greatest movies in the history of the world are delusional. Everyone knows that the greatest movies in history are the Rocky […]

Topless Women Officially Scrape the Bottom of the Protesting Barrel

“Oh, if I could but live another century and see the fruition of all the work for women! There is so much yet to be done.” -Susan B. Anthony, prominent civil rights leader “If we mean to have heroes, statesmen and philosophers, we should have learned women.”-Abigail Adams, former first lady and woman’s rights advocate […]

Politicians Made Victims of Media’s Heinous Plot to Use Facts Against Them

There was a time in our history when journalism was conscientious. The media had a responsibility to report facts and sensationalizing of a story was left to the likes of scumbags and muckrakers like William Randolph Hearst. Slowly, though, Hearstian reporting took over. Now you cannot turn on the TV without hearing some knucklehead making a […]