Take Your Time. I Get Paid Hourly.

Dear Old Navy employee, Greetings and a heartfelt salutations to you. You may remember me from a bit earlier today as I stood out quite a bit. While everyone else visiting the Old Navy today was interested in trying on armfuls of brightly colored dresses, I was the gentleman who wanted to try on a […]

Lost In TV Land

Most people gaze neither into the past nor the future; they explore neither truth nor lies. They gaze at their television. – Radiohead Yeah, that can wait until later. I’m going to watch TV. – Nathan on just about any given day of the week   Ever since I was a child, I have been […]

No, Sir, Your Salvador Dali Tattoo Does Not Impress Me

In Nashville, there is a burrito place I like to visit. This is because they have the best burritos a person could ever imagine. It is like someone took Chipotle, then decided to make it roughly 80% better. Then they added Horchata at the beverage station, effectively creating the greatest restaurant ever. The restaurant must […]

Dear Nathan: Is Drinking Out Of The Milk Carton Unsanitary?

DEAR NATHAN: My husband drinks milk straight from the carton. He says it’s OK because he’s the only one in the house who drinks milk. (True.) I have told him I find it disgusting and that company often drinks milk, having no idea that he drinks straight from the carton. Isn’t this unsanitary — not […]

The Perfect Replacement For David Letterman

Dear Columbia Broadcasting System, Hello. You may not be familiar with me, but my name is Nathan. I have been a fan of yours for many years, having watched countless programs that you have offered up for consumption. In fact, over the 27 years I have been alive, I estimate that roughly 13 of those […]

The Mystery Of The Missing Keys

Strewn about the highways of middle-Tennessee, you will find hundreds of video boards spelling out important messages to the drivers passing by. Sometimes they will be warning you of construction up ahead. Other times they will be grimly tallying up the number of deaths that have happened on the state’s highways this year and, for […]