Dear Nathan

DEAR NATHAN: My son and his wife, “Carole,” have been married for two years. I was recently introduced to her father, “Ted,” who has been alone for 13 years. Carole told me later in no uncertain terms that I cannot have a romantic relationship with her father. Then she repeated the same thing to him. […]

New Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos Doritos: What?

In America’s search for new foods to shove in our mouths, a great deal of unnecessary foods have been created. At some point in the 1970’s, someone decided that having to use two jars was far too much work. Thus peanut butter and jelly were swirled in jar, saving millions of people a full 10 […]

Thanks For Terrorizing Me While I Cook, Gordon Ramsay

I’m afraid of very few things in my life. Snakes don’t worry me. I am not too concerned about flying. I frequently sleep without a night light because there’s nothing the dark can do to me. Plus my apartment complex strategically placed a street light where it will always shine right through my shades and […]

If I Have A Son, I Will Call Him… Uhhhh…

There are a lot of reasons to be nervous about having children. From their graceless, teetering attempts to walk across the room all the way to their graceless, teetering attempts at become full-grown well-adjusted human beings, there are a lot of dangers that a parent has to watch out for. Suddenly, parents are responsible for […]

The Wing That Got Away

There it laid, sprawled out in the middle of the floor. There were no signs of life, not that there ever were. The splatters from the crash landing coated the area around it. By all accounts, it was a disaster. Seeing that devastation, that destruction, it’s hard to believe that just 30 seconds before that […]

Dear Zanies Comedy Club

Dear Zanies Comedy Club, This evening, I ordered a burger that you deemed a “Mexican Burger.” I expected this to be a pure international delight, a fiesta in my mouth. Maybe there would be salsa or even fresh pico di gallo. It was not. Please in the future refrain from calling this your “Mexican Burger.” […]

If I Ever Go Missing, Ask My Wife About It First

When you enter a committed, monogamous relationship with someone, you will eventually find out some strange facts about your chosen mate. They might brush their teeth in the shower or floss in bed. For me, I found out my wife likes to slather her grilled cheese sandwiches in mayonnaise, kisses dogs on the mouth, and […]