New Year’s Day on a Wednesday? Let’s Be Reasonable…

Dear Barack Obama and/or any other public official this might pertain to, Happy 2014! I’m sure you are ready for 2013 to be over. With the launch of Healthcare.gov and the government shutdown, the number of Americans who disapprove of you has jumped up 10%. That’s not good for you at all. If I found […]

Thanks For Your Birthday Wishes. Now Leave Me Alone.

Barring some unforeseen terrible happenstance, tomorrow will be my birthday. This will be my 26th one of these. I’ve been around the block, I know how this goes. To save myself time tomorrow, I would like to respond to all of the birthday wishes now. To all of those who are going to ask “So… […]

Your Ultimate Guide To Halloween

Ladies and gentlemen: the clock is ticking. You can feel the energy in the air. People are rushing hither and thither, preparing. In mere days, Halloween will have arrived. The word “Halloween” was first used in the 16th century. It had something to do with demons and the underworld and souls of the dead and […]

My Wife’s Birthday

In honor of my wife’s birthday, I have written an extra special haiku just for her. I hope ancient Japanese forms of poetry count as a gift.     My Wife’s Birthday Happy Birthday, wife of mine Cake and candles and…. uh…..gifts… It’s the thought that counts? Related Articles Piece of Cake: Why Cakes are […]

Celebrate Memorial Day the Right Way (Hey! That Rhymes!)

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, a day to honor all of those who, since the Civil War, have been killed in battle. In typical American fashion, it has also become a day revolving around food, causing many to shove grilled meats down their gullet. With so much of a focus on eating, it is easy to […]

Moms: Where Would We Be Without Them?

There are some holidays that should not exist. For instance, Arbor Day. What have trees ever done for us? What a bunch of jerks. Mother’s Day is not one of those days. In fact, Mother’s Day is a day that should be celebrated more than any other. Here is why:   -         She birthed you. […]

Cinco De Mayo Question of the Day

Question: Why do the same people celebrate Cinco De Mayo and St. Patrick’s Day?   The two holidays have very little in common. One is celebrating the patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick. The other is celebrating a battle where a severely overmatched Mexican army beat a vastly superior French army. Despite this, the same […]