If I Have A Son, I Will Call Him… Uhhhh…

There are a lot of reasons to be nervous about having children. From their graceless, teetering attempts to walk across the room all the way to their graceless, teetering attempts at become full-grown well-adjusted human beings, there are a lot of dangers that a parent has to watch out for. Suddenly, parents are responsible for […]

Birthday Candles A Hot Button Issue In Australia (Get it? Hot because of the flame on the candles?)

There is nothing as exciting to a child as a birthday. You get the presents. You’re friends are there strictly to honor you. There’s party games and fun. The thing everyone looks forward to the most, though, is that cake. Nothing says birthday like tiny flames on top of a baked treat. Before everyone gets […]

Spanking: Creating Paranoid Antisocial Narcissists Since 50 BC

Kids are brats. I do not mean all kids. That would be quite a leap to take to say EVERY kid is a brat. I am sure there are some kids that are quite lovely. For instance, Mozart wrote his first symphony at eight. He was far too busy to be a brat, though I […]

Weddings: The Most Romantic Nonsense You Will Ever See

In the life of a woman, there are a handful of monumental moments. Their entire life, they will be able to, in detail, tell stories of their first kiss, first date, their first boyfriend. All of these stories, though, pale in comparison to the event they lead up to. The wedding. Dozens of times in […]

Cottage Cheese, Applesauce, and the Toilet: My Day With a Three-Year-Old

On TV, people my age spend most of their time partying and pursuing suitable partners. Saturday night is the prime night for this to take place with women putting on their best impractical footwear and men dousing themselves in cologne to draw the attention of that special someone. As a married man, I knew that […]

Deep Thoughts From My 3-Year-Old Niece

“I like a sock, pants, and underwear sandwich.” “NO DADDY! We do NOT do that with our crayons! Crayons are NOT for throwing!” “EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!” (Said while running through the kitchen nude, slapping her own butt.) “That music was perfect for pottying…” “Do we eat our poop?”

How To Make Friends at School: A Semi-Expert’s Guide

It seems like it was just yesterday when summer began. Well, it wasn’t. Seriously, look at your calendar. August is almost over which means one thing: the school year is set to begin. This year, I will be an adjunct professor at my alma mater, MidAmerica Nazarene University. As a professor (Editor’s Note: He is […]

It Sucks to Grow Up: The Birthday Edition

Most nightmares cannot come true. It’s impossible. The odds of the shark from Jaws chasing you down the street while you are trying to find your pants so you can get to your advanced Sociology final, a class you’ve never even been to, by the way, are very slim. There is one nightmare that people […]