Dance: The Highest Form of Art One Can Perform In a 1996 Pontiac

I can be very self-conscious at times. I have no idea what it stems from, though if I were to guess I would assume it has something to do with not wanting to be laughed at. When people laugh at you, it is very rarely ever fun. There are many things this has held me […]

You Are My Nemesis, You Are My Car

Okay, car. This is it. After months of clashing, after all of the turmoil you have put me through, you have gone for the checkmate, trying your best to end our battles. Our epic tale began like so many before it. I, desperately in need of a car, was offered the opportunity to purchase transportation. […]

If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen. You Might Also Want to Avoid My Car.

In Wichita, KS this week, there was a heat burst. Within twenty minutes, the heat had risen from mid-80’s to 102. While most people read this story and thought, “Sucks to be Wichita” (By the way, it does. It’s not the most pleasant town ever), I read it and was instantly able to relate. My […]

The Tale of the Manly Man and His Evil Automobile

Today, I feel like a man. I guess I need to clarify. I NORMALLY feel like a man. It’s not like I wake up in the morning and feel like a hamster or anything like that. (Well, there was that one time, but that turned out to just be a dream. I just wish I […]

Cinco De Mayo: Spanish For “Terrible Day”*

Today is just one of those days. Oddly enough, even though that last sentence says literally nothing, it is enough for people to realize what I’m talking about. This would be because everyone has experienced those days where they get up, start doing what they’re supposed to do, realize that today is going to be […]

The Battle Between My Adult Self and Inner-Child Rages On

I’m distracted today. Not that it’s a rare occurrence for me to feel some of blockage to the attention-paying portion of my brain (I believe it’s the attention cortex). I’m from the MTV generation, so naturally I haven’t paid full attention to anything, in, well, probably in forever (unless my wife asks, in which case, […]

Daytona 500: Slightly more exciting than watching nothing at all…

All across this grand country, the trailer parks are abuzz. The Super Bowl of auto racing has arrived. This Sunday, the Daytona 500 will be run. (Little known fact: The first Daytona 500 was run in 1845 when a young Abraham Lincoln outraced Mark Twain. He was later disqualified for using illegal shoes on his […]