Dance: The Highest Form of Art One Can Perform In a 1996 Pontiac

I can be very self-conscious at times. I have no idea what it stems from, though if I were to guess I would assume it has something to do with not wanting to be laughed at. When people laugh at you, it is very rarely ever fun. There are many things this has held me […]

Operation Boob Tube, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

When we last left off, stuff had happened. There was a lot of stuff and words and other things. You should probably read that before continuing on. Now, the exciting continuation of that stuff that happened last time. “Where?!” I shouted. My eyes darted back and forth searching for the bright lights of cameras and […]

Justin Bieber Shouts Out To Me At the AMA’s! Dreams Do Come True!

Dear Justin Bieber, Congratulations on your big win at the American Music Awards tonight. Winning “Favorite Musical Artist” is the most valuable award a musician can win if we aren’t counting a Grammy. A Grammy is a much bigger deal. I did not see it myself. I tend to not watch awards shows like this. […]

Coughing and Comedy: Not Perfect Bedfellows

There are times in life where it is very inappropriate to sneeze or cough. For instance, one should avoid sneezing in the middle of a eulogy. It is very uncouth, particularly if you are the one speaking. The same goes for in the middle of a wedding proposal or while on a spacewalk. Then there […]

Dear Zanies Comedy Club

Dear Zanies Comedy Club, This evening, I ordered a burger that you deemed a “Mexican Burger.” I expected this to be a pure international delight, a fiesta in my mouth. Maybe there would be salsa or even fresh pico di gallo. It was not. Please in the future refrain from calling this your “Mexican Burger.” […]

My Wife’s Birthday

In honor of my wife’s birthday, I have written an extra special haiku just for her. I hope ancient Japanese forms of poetry count as a gift.     My Wife’s Birthday Happy Birthday, wife of mine Cake and candles and…. uh…..gifts… It’s the thought that counts? Related Articles Piece of Cake: Why Cakes are […]

Real Ladies Run in Skirts

Dear lady running down the street, Congratulations on your attempts at physical fitness. You and your friend were really giving a full 110% out there today. That’s a pretty big deal because that’s 10% more than is physically possible to give. I will say, though, I am concerned. I watched the two of you run […]

Power to the Online People

Sometimes it may seem to people that writing on the internet is a waste of time. For the most part it is. I mean, no one really needs to read about my attempts to hold in a sneeze. (Spoiler alert: The sneeze comes out before, ultimately, my head explodes.) In actuality, though, we are living […]