No, Golf On The Radio Is Not More Interesting Than It Sounds

I am an unapologetic sports fan. There is just something about watching a good game that is very exciting. I enjoy the strategic mind games of baseball, the give and take of basketball, the pure brute might and ensuing concussions of football, and the non-stop action of hockey. When the Olympics come around, I will […]

Norwegian Skier Martin Johnsrud Sundby Does Not Have the Most Supportive Mother…

Dear Martin Johnsrud Sundby, So, today has been a rough day for you. I’m sorry to hear about that. No one wants to go to the Olympics and end up finishing 13th in their respective event. I can’t even begin to know what that feels like, namely because I will never be in the Olympics […]

Super Bowl XLVIII Live Blog: Would it Be Lame to Call it a Super Duper Bowl?

It’s that time of year again. The time for everyone who hasn’t already forgotten their New Year’s resolutions to eat only junk in the name of football. The time for us to all watch a bunch of overgrown men slam into each other in the name of concussions, but more importantly in the name of […]

I Will Take My Billion Dollars Now, Please

It looks like it is finally about to be my time. After all of the work and the effort, I am about to be rolling in the dough. I plan on building a tower to fill with my riches ala Scrooge McDuck. I probably won’t dive into them knowing how germy money really is, but […]

Man Sets Record For Fastest Marathon While Dribbling Two Basketballs. Seriously. That Really Happened.

As a kid, we are told we can do anything we want. Obviously, this is not true. If it was, everyone would be a doctor, astronaut, fireman, or professional athlete. We would be in real trouble if our pipes clogged because NFL quarterbacks are not known for their plumbing abilities. As adults, our dreams are […]

The Five Phases of the Drunk Sports Fan

Over the course of my lifetime, I have been to many sporting events. At sporting events you will find many things. There is always the person who is inappropriate on the jumbotron’s “Kiss Cam.” There is the fan who screams from the upper deck, nearly popping a blood vessel despite the fact that he is […]

Super Bowl XLVII Live Blog: The Superest Bowl In the History of Ever

Ah, the Super Bowl. Nothing is more American than this celebration of sport, gluttony and consumption. We all gather around our TV and shove massive quantities of food in our fat gobs for hours. Every year 1.2 billion chicken wings are consumed on this day. Why? Because football and poultry go hand in hand! Some […]

Operation Boob Tube, Part 3: The Part of the Story Where It Ends

And now the exciting conclusion… We sat there throughout the game. Sure, I was enjoying the hockey, but I had destiny on my mind.  With  a minute left in the game, I gave my sister the top-secret ultra-hush-hush super-stealthy signal that it was time for my plan to be sat in motion. “Hey,” I said. “We […]

China Mistakes Kim Jong-un as “The Sexiest Man Alive.” What Else Could We Get Them To Believe?

China does a lot of things right. Not toys or toothpaste or crayons (unless you have always wanted to increase the lead in your home), but there are things they are great at. You know, like gymnastics or naming delicious chicken dishes after generals. Unfortunately, the list of things they do well does not include […]

No Hockey? No Problem!

With the National Hockey League in a lockout, fans of the bloodiest and coldest sport around are left without entertainment. Throughout the country, you can hear the cries of the 4% of Americans who love hockey. You can also hear the sounds of disinterest from the rest of the 96%, but that 4% are pretty […]