Man Sets Record For Fastest Marathon While Dribbling Two Basketballs. Seriously. That Really Happened.

As a kid, we are told we can do anything we want. Obviously, this is not true. If it was, everyone would be a doctor, astronaut, fireman, or professional athlete. We would be in real trouble if our pipes clogged because NFL quarterbacks are not known for their plumbing abilities.

As adults, our dreams are frequently crushed. The world is very rude to dreams, making it very difficult to accomplish the things we want.

Sometimes, though, a person is able to overcome everything. They are able to accomplish exactly what they want in life, defying all of the odds. They will throw on their neon green shorts and dribble those basketballs for all 26.2 miles of that marathon.

Sometimes, the Dr. Dribbles in the world succeed.

In Fort Lauderdale, a city known as “The Venice of America” (because of its canals, not for its many gondolas), a man dreamed up a goal. He came up with a plan to raise money for a local charity and 4.5 hours later accomplished that goal.

The personal trainer and motivational speaker took to the Publix A1A marathon with a plan to set the world record for fastest marathon run while dribbling two basketballs. His goal was to beat 4 hours and 58 minutes.

“I believe everyone has a talent and a gift and you’ve got to find a way somehow to use that talent — no matter how ridiculous it might be, like dribbling basketballs throughout a marathon — to impact other people in society,” Weissman said.

Dr.  Dribble set the world record for fastest time running a marathon while dribbling two balls. He did it for a good cause. There is nothing to make fun of there.

Except for one thing. This is a record that is really on the books?

Alongside genuine interesting tidbits in the Guinness Book of World Records, you will find things like most snails on a person’s face (43), most barf bags collected (5568), most eggs crushed with one’s head in one minute (80) and, yes, fastest marathon while dribbling two basketballs. Things that, for all intents and purposes, do not matter at all in anyway ever.

Who has the record for fastest marathon while dribbling three basketballs? I’m sure they read this news story and said, “Big freaking deal.”

If this can be a record, I would like to announce my record for most stairs walked backwards on a Tuesday in February today. I walked up three. Beat that, suckers.

Of course, this makes perfect sense for Weissman. As a motivational speaker, he can take full advantage of this situation. There are definitely people who would pick up a copy of “Dribbling Your Way Through the Marathon of Life: A Guide to Happiness and Simultaneous Basketball and Running Skills.”

I, for one, hope Weissman continues to succeed on this front. I really do. Anything to benefit a charity that helps foster children can’t be bad. Heck, I’ll even ghost write his book for him. I would do a great job.

“Remember, you can’t win the marathon of life, unless you take it one dribble at a time.”

See? That’s pure gold.

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14 thoughts on “Man Sets Record For Fastest Marathon While Dribbling Two Basketballs. Seriously. That Really Happened.

  1. And to think all I needed to do was dribble a couple of basket balls for a mere marathon. Here was me saving up every single empty coke can I could get my hands on to have the biggest empty coke can collection in the southern hemisphere. Now that does not only take talent and creative scrounging, but it takes space. Lots and lots of space. Good thing I live in Australia and Australia is BIG! I might just get me into that Guinness book of Records yet!

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  2. Just realizing I shot way too low on the Life Dream scale. I just wanted to be able to afford a car and dental insurance. Surely I could’ve dribbled a ball or three while doing so.

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  3. So true! Just the other day I was thinking how silly records like “the longest sitting on a pole without scratching your bum” or “the most bits of meat picked out of one’s teeth with a single piece of floss” are. Who wants to know this stuff?!

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