The Wing That Got Away

Buffalo wings

Buffalo wings (Photo credit: jefflphoto)

There it laid, sprawled out in the middle of the floor. There were no signs of life, not that there ever were. The splatters from the crash landing coated the area around it. By all accounts, it was a disaster.

Seeing that devastation, that destruction, it’s hard to believe that just 30 seconds before that I could have been so happy and carefree.

It all started last night during the biggest football game of the year. As I sat, my eyes glued to the TV, my wife brought in a plate. On it sat chicken wings. There must have been a thousand of them if not more. (Editor’s note: There were not a thousand of them. Nathan is not great with counting.) They were piled as far as the eye could see.

For the next hour, I gorged myself. No matter what happened in the game, it ended with me shoving saucy chicken in my mouth. Some people would have been focused on the number of chicken families devastated by my carnage, but not me. The only thing I was focused on was that sweet burn of hot sauce and the cooling of the ranch that comes with it.

Eventually, though, as always happens, I filled up. More specifically, my tummy filled up. I just had a big old chicken stuffed tummy. I wanted to continue eating, but one more chicken wing would put me over the edge. I would have literally exploded. (Editor’s note: No.)

We placed the remainder in the fridge knowing that I have a daily tradition of eating food that I call “lunch.” These would fulfill my need for midday food consumption nicely. With that thought, I grabbed them as I headed out the door to work.

The morning went by quickly. How could it not? I was working towards a goal. A goal made entirely of poultry.

As the noon hour struck, I headed around the corner, past the coffee maker and to the fridge where these beauties sat waiting. In my mind, they greeted with a warm and chipper, “Howdy Nathan! How’s about you eat some of us now?”

So I did just that. Sitting down at my table, I ate one after another, each wing more delicious than the last. The sauce was thick, requiring extra napkins. The average person would be apprehensive about eating these in public, but not me. I ate these with all of the gusto a human being could muster.

Sadly, though, my love affair with this food could not last forever. I looked down and there, at the bottom of the clear Tupperware, sat my last wing.

I looked at it for a second. It was beautiful. The perfect amount of sauce and the ideal proportions for a chicken wing. I knew that this would be it. I had to savor the moment.

I reached down to pick it up. Glancing up at the TV in the corner for a brief second, I felt something happen. Where I had been holding chicken there suddenly was none. There was nothing left in my fingers but sauce and a dream.

Greased up by the delicious sauce, the wing had slipped from my fingers. The world began to move in slow motion as I tried to catch that single solitary wing. One bounce off of my sweater, another off of my pants, then the deafening sound of a leftover chicken wing hitting the ground.

SPLAT!

Sauce splattered across the floor, horrible orange spots against the white tile showcasing my lunch’s untimely demise. Instinctively, I glanced about to see if anyone had witnessed the tragedy. Everyone sat, eyes glued to the food in front of them no doubt worried that their turkey sandwich could suffer a similar fate.

I scooped up the wing in my napkin. It was so young, so vibrant. No one could have seen it coming.

I wrapped it up and gave it as noble a burial as a chicken wing can have, laying atop a stack of trash. I’m not a crier, but I swear to you I felt a single tear roll down my cheek.

Someday, I’ll eat wings again. Yes, they will be delicious. Yes, I will enjoy them far more than I should. But I will never forget the wing that got away. It gave everything just for a shot at my digestive tract. It…

Hey, wait a minute! I still have more in my fridge at home! Oh boy!

What was I talking about again?

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9 thoughts on “The Wing That Got Away

  1. Hahahahahahahha. Haven’t you heard of the ten second rule? Anyway! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Hell, I even dropped the chocolate nose of a Bubbalo Bill ice cream on a zebra crossing once, snatched it’s broken remains up and stuffed them in my mouth. When my friend and I were on the return journey over the same zebra crossing, she spotted another fragment of chocolate Bubbalo Bill nose and scooped it up and shoved into her mouth with gusto. She did actually eat it. I think it was more to gross me out than wanting to eat a shard of Bubbalo Bill nose chocolate that had been laying on the pavement in the hot sun for a good fifteen minutes…but she didn’t die! She didn’t even get sick. Damned, you should have eaten that chicken wing,even if the sauce to meat ratio had been diminished…

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  2. I’m sitting here trying to figure out why you didn’t eat the fallen soldier. Like, really. I feel the same way you do about this meal and I’m getting mad that you buried it. What kind of flooring are we talking about here – and do NOT tell me hardwoods or tile b/c I will LOSE IT. If it was carpet, I miiiiiiight give you a second chance. (i said might) …

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